A PIECE OF BROKEN WING

thank you~

2012-01-27T06:48:00.000-08:00

i'm thinking of changing the url of this blog. because the current url is too long and complicated, i have no idea why I chose that kind of name in the first place. but i haven't found a perfect name for this blog. :(

a little catch up:

i've received my result for the 5th semester. and i have to say i'm so very pleased, as I almost got straight As. from 8 subjects I took, I only got one B+, and the rest are As. Disappointed? yes. but i realized this is one of the way to prevent me from being too cocky and all high and mighty. I'm just a normal student with a surprisingly good academic achievement. i'm very much thankful for that. thankful for my result, for my friends, for those who've doubted me, for all of the people who have supported me. and thanking God for giving me a chance to improve my GPA. :)

i'll end my first internship in a few days. from the bottom of my heart, I feel terribly sad. I'll miss all of the people I work with there. here's a special message that I just can't tell to them directly as I'm too embarrassed. :/ here's my most honest and sincere gratitude that's still not enough to show them my deepest respect and love:

To all the production crews (or ex-es) at Arek TV: Om Erwin (the funny uncle that I respect and love. I'd love to help you with Lueekoh when it's ready, if you need a helping hand. I'll miss your sincere smile. your innocent face that made me surprised that you're already a father, and your stutter. lol), Mbak Aryn ('cece' as people call you. the one who gave me job so I don't just lay around, the first producer I actually worked with, the one I and my friends consider 'mama'), Mbak Dinda (the chubby marketing, always amusing), Mas Bambang (who recently resigned. the one that taught me a lot about things, the one who has a broad knowledge, and it was a pleasure to discuss politics, TV broadcasting, and the general world with you), Pak Tinton (who has just resigned, too. my only regret is I didn't get to say the last goodbye and express my gratitude, as you were the first person who talked to us, and showed us a glimpse of local tv broadcasting. the one I and my friends considered as 'papa'), Pak Tommy (the production manager who always comes and goes unexpectedly), Mas Koko (an assistant producer. a funny man who always willing to share and to explain), Mas Denny (the cool soundman that has caught my attention since the first time I saw him. He's a cool family guy on the outside, but very witty on the inside. It was fun working beside you and your mixer, and listening to your unexpected comments on just anything ;p), Mas Yudhis (thank you for remembering my name, and talked to me with that beautiful smile and soft voice you have) , Mas Pacul (you teased me a lot, but that's more of the reason why I'd miss you), Mas Syifa (thank you for always being kind, for showing me how to capture a video cassette), Mas Resek (thank you for being so entertaining everytime you're around, which is not much. The place will be dull without your presence and craziness. please show up a little bit more often), Mas Momo (hello MCR man! thank you for being all kind and nice to me), Pak Adji (for always helping me with data and printing jobs, thanks a lot!), Pak Khafid (for helping me to be accepted as an intern, thank you!), Pak Wid (for using some of your precious time to talk to us the very first time we arrived there, thank you!) and more and more people that I could not mention. it truly is an honor to work and know you, people. THANK YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH.. I wish you all a good, successful life, no matter what path you choose. :)

and for all the interns I met there: Ana (thank you for being so kind and lovely all the time. thank you for being a great company), Rian (thank you for all the momogis! thank you for playing game with me. sorry I teased you a lot, dude. ;P), Ibrahim (thank you for installing the sims 3 in my laptop, thank you for lending your laptop for me to play with. please take care of my sims family, Lee, that I created in your laptop), Sonny and Irwin (the combo duo, thanks a lot for putting up with my sometimes 'odd' behavior. sorry I made you guys into a joke sometimes, or a lot of times. lol) - guys, i'll seriously miss you and miss all the funny and crazy moments we shared together at Arek TV. Hopefully, we'd still be in touch even after this. <3

Blackbird

2012-01-20T06:11:00.000-08:00

I recommend listening to Cameron Mitchell's cover of Blackbird. Hypnotizing and mesmerizing, I was literally blown away and touched!

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

A Box of Hope

2012-01-16T00:44:00.000-08:00

I was waiting alone in my campus area when I wrote this.

and listening to david choi's and kina granis' the way you are. feel kinda melodramatic. lol

i just finished my internship 1 presentation. and I can say that I think I kinda nailed it and blew the lecturer away. hahaha. because of my English, like usual. (now playing: Blackbird - covered by Cameron Mitchell.)

So, this means that my life in the 5th semester has now ended. beautifully. Thank Lord for that. for all the hard work, sweat and tears that strolled have been paid off in a fair and perfect way. Life has never been more beautiful.

though i'm still continuing to be an intern till the end of january, I think I'll enjoy this process nevertheless.

(now playing: Fix You - covered by Boyce Avenue & Tyler Ward)

ps: tbh, i'm missing someone i can't reach. but thank God it's not critical. lol. i will try to fix you. or fix myself before fixing someone else. yeah, i think i'll do that.

pps: sorry if my post this time isn't well-coordinated. i'm writing while listening to the music, which never blend well for me, because i keep concentrating to the lyrics and messing up my writing. :P

but seriously, i will try to fix you if you allow me to. (:

and i cannot wait for the new month to come. or the chinese new year to come. :D

NEW YEAR. THEBADYEARFORGOATS

2012-01-08T00:56:00.000-08:00

my last post was on christmas. and this is my first post in 2012.

looking back at my life in 2011, I really didn't have much to say except that it was a frantic, crazy, fabulous, incredible year that felt like a nightmare and a blessing at the same time. I'm happy that 2011 is over and now we're entering a whole new page in 2012. but what to expect this year?

according to the chinese calendar, this year is the year of dragon. and in the year of dragon, goat is said to have a bad luck, a contrary to the prosperous rabbit year. maybe i'm a bit old-fashioned, a bit superstitious, but I'm kinda afraid of what this year will bring. bad luck for goat means i have to be more attentive and careful.

and still expecting to go one step closer towards my dream and obsession.

and still wanting to find the right one who could color my days in dull and black and white time.

and still trying to grow more and more each day.

and still discovering more of the world around me.

and still being me.

what's more? your limitation is not being limited by your limitation.
and for me now, i'm trying not to miss someone who doesn't miss me. not expecting someone who doesn't want me. not thinking of someone who doesn't think of me. not being in love with someone who doesn't fall for me. not remembering you, who doesn't remember me. :)

Have yourself a little merry christmas!

2011-12-25T05:54:00.000-08:00

hey everyone!

i'm back in time for christmas. :)

on christmas day this year, i had a unique experience..

first, instead of going to church on christmas eve, I went on christmas day's morning mass (dec 25th). this is the FIRST time.

and there's a reason behind this.

on dec 24th, I went for work (internship) like usual, and got out early (around 3pm). but it was raining really hard that afternoon. My sister couldn't pick me up, so she told me to get a cab. I keep calling for cabs in the middle of the rain, but it was so freaking hard to get one! :(

I was super frustrated. and I stood by, waiting in front of Rich Palace (the building where my office is located) for more than 2 hours, trying to fecth a cab. it was heart-breaking to see that none of the cabs I saw was vacant. and the vacant ones didn't stop. it was cold. it was cold. and I was waiting alone.

i kept going and walking around, and I believe people who saw me thought I was some kind of freak show. I must've looked like a lost puppy, trying to get a shelter for christmas. -_-

long story short, my dad finally realized that it was kinda impossible for me to get a cab, so he decided to pick me up (by that time, I actually and finally got a cab, and the driver was already on his way, but I cancelled this order).

funny thing was, because of the weather, I urgently needed to use the toilet, so I several times went back and forth to the nearest gas station. luckily it was right next to Rich Palace. I was half-soaked. but it's better than holding back the need. and I tried not to look at everyone's weird glare. :|

around 6 pm my dad, mom, and sister arrived and there end my journey and my waiting. they didn't feel guilty at all. but it was christmas eve, so I considered it all good.

oh yeah.. my internship.. i've just experienced 2 days out of a total of 30days. but the first-2-day was quite good. though i'd love to have time to sleep more. I mean, it feels like everyone around me is having a nice holiday, and i'm the only one who have to work. so... you know. it's awkward. but i'm enjoying this as well. all's fine, all's good. :D

"I just want you to fall in love with me. is it that hard?" - unknown

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie The Pooh

Have yourself a very merry christmas! Joyeux Noel. Feliz Navidad!

scanning through :D

2011-12-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

today I just randomly scanning through my blog's archives, to re-read things i've been posting. and i just found out that i was so helplessly gloomy. :/

people will go when they want to go. to find people who stay, and to find people who sincerely care. to be somebody you always wanna be, to grow and to mature. to not cry and to hold on. to let go and start anew. to enjoy life, as it is. they're the reasons I still stand on the earth. :) - me

Springing in!

2011-12-15T05:08:00.000-08:00

ups. random post while waiting for an email from friend, for an assignment due tomorrow!!
:P

ps: like the sun and the moon. a complete opposite. though amusing, it's impossible to hold on to it. found it in the most unexpected place and time. not wanting the next encounter to be special. as deleting is the only right option. may it find a better place next time.. where it can harbor and be comforted. :)

pps: my driver did something that somehow brought a smile to me for a day. and even now when I recall that event. on a Tuesday afternoon, he saw me hanging with friends in front of a mini market, and just randomly sent a text. i looked around, searching for his whereabouts, then found him hiding in a small warung in front of my place. well, he must have enjoyed watching my confused expression when i read his text. ==;
anyway, that simple thing really made me smile. you know, it feels good to know that somebody cares. an attention from the most unexpected person. lol. (: thank you sir, thank you very much.

Goodbye, American Dream!

2011-12-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

Forgot to write this in my previous post.
remember when I told you I sent an application for a 3-weeks scholarship in the USA through IELSP?

well, 3 days ago I just found out i didn't get a call back. Sad as it is, I have to accept this harsh truth. :D

I and a friend decided that next year we're gonna apply again, with a hope that we'll get the scholarship! so, until next year, bye America!

yay! my blog came back!

2011-12-12T18:43:00.000-08:00

oh my God!
you guys didn't know how happy i am to finally get my blog back...
hahahaha.. XD must be wondering what happened..

last week i created a Youtube account for college's assignment.. andd.. i mistakenly and stupidly insert 1999 as the birth year. google automatically banned me, for being illegible and under age. DAMN!

luckily I could proof that i'm actually in a legal age (please, i'm 20) by sending a picture of my government-issued ID card. phew! what a luck, huh? :/

i've been thinking so heavily these days, that i wanna pour all my feelings in the blog. but then i found out that the blog has been deleted because of my stupid mistake. i was so heart-broken. but not anymore, fellas! ;D

anyway.. the final wave has arrived. i mean, final exams week. the last war before I officially begin my internship at Arek TV (a local TV station in my hometown). a lot of things have to be done in a limited amount of time. i'm afraid I won't make it. but I keep the faith. everything will be okay, as long as I put my heart into everything I do, andddd.. have enough sleep. I've grown a habit of sleeping at midnight, which I truly hate. and sometimes, like last night, I become an insomniac, can't sleep until 4am and have to wake up at 7am. this, my friend, sucks.

When i write my next post, I hope i'll be bringing only good news. let's all cross our fingers and pray for the best! :)

to think that i'm fine is an understatement

2011-11-20T04:53:00.003-08:00

busy busy busy. i feel like i'm only at home on Sundays. on weekdays, including Saturdays, I mostly spend the day at campus. leave home at 8am and arrive back at the earliest 7pm. crazy as it sounds, i'm basically exhausted.

this semester, i learn that decisions can't be made so easily, and in a matter of minutes. and in spite of the fact that I hate turning people down, I have to start learning to do so. or else i'll get killed. :/ (truth be told, I admit that I did make some mistakes in accepting offers. But there's no turning back, I have to finish my duties and responsibilities well, and fulfill their expectations of me)

so many people expect me to do so many things, mostly because they think too highly of me, which then become a burden, that makes me feel like i carry the whole world on my shoulder.

some people can keep me happy, but that never last. given my 'odd' manners and personalities, I doubt they could stand me for more than 2 weeks. lol. luckily, some do last longer, and thank God for them. :)

PS: today, i feel like having a feast. I eat too often. and right before now, I just ate a slice of chocolate tiramisu from The Harvest. It was good, I swear. But again, I'm never a fan of cakes or patisseries, the fine taste disappeared after 5 spoonfuls, replaced with sickness. :/

Disguise

2011-11-12T06:33:00.001-08:00

one of the songs that has been resounding in my head for the last couple of weeks. old song. but when I heard it once again after such a long time, this song somehow fits me quite well, in some ways or the others. :)

here it is. the lyrics of disguise by lene marlin. i remember this as one of the soundtracks of a mandarin tv series, Twins.

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside
You will never measure up, to those people you
Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something
That's far from the truth
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face,
In a mirror there's a smile
But inside you're just a mess,
You feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish, of being
Somewhere else
To let go of your disguise, all your worries too
And from that moment, then you see things clear

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Are you waiting for that day when your pain will disappear?
When you know that it's not true what they say about you?
Couldn't care less 'bout the things surrounding you
Ignoring all the voices from my wall

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time
To figure things out
Not telling lies
I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know
What's yet to comeI'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time
To figure things out
Not telling lies
I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know
What's yet to come
Still we don't know
What's yet to come

ps: i'm sending out my IELSP application form on Monday. Pray for nothing but the best.

October Madness Fest!

2011-11-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

Writing an online journal is difficult. i realized it just now. when i first started this blog, i kept on writing routinely, almost once a week. but after some time, i wrote less and less, till now, i write only once a month. :/
it's not the writing that's hard. it's just i'm fully occupied with all the crazy university life, that i can't find the right time to relax, browsing aimlessly, and write on this blog. phew! there, i've said it.

a little update on my current life stream:
1. I'm still trying to find a local tv station for my 1st 100-hour internship. *fingercrossed. i promised myself i had to get the place by the end of this month.

2. i'm in process of applying for a scholarship in the US. it's called IELSP, held by IIEF. this Saturday, i'm taking a REAL TOEFL ITP test, something i've never done in my whole life. plus, it's been a freaking long time since i last had something like a REAL English capability test. (it won't be as hard as all the mock CAE tests i did, but still, i need to get back to my old state - when i was still good at fast-reading, had an adequate writing skills, fine listening, and strong grammar power.) PS: don't worry, i'm studying. i even borrowed a book from the library + the CD to practice. i have to nail this test.
i really wish i get the scholarship, but part of me is still in doubt. but i will try my hardest and do the best, no matter how this will turn out.

3. mid term exams week is officially over, and i'm a bit relieved. i didn't do well in some subjects, but did quite fine in others. it's hard to maintain or to actually get a better GPA when you're in your 3rd year. :(
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

a little fan-girling section:
i'm waiting for Joe's first solo album, Fastlife, to be released in Indonesia. i'm super duper proud of him. he is an adult now, though many people expect him to stay 'young' forever. but the joe i see right now, is still the Joe i fell in love with 4 years ago. He's still my baby, still my boy, still my silly, matured danger. ;)

A little catch-up

2011-11-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

current state: hungry.

current state of mind: happy

i don't wanna talk too much. so i'll be quick. :)
last week, this week, and next week, I'll be so busy filming a short movie for my project at uni. not an easy stuff, I gotta admit, but it's been lotsa fun. tiring, but fun. i hope it will end well, too..

my TOEFL ITP result has come out, and guess what! I surpassed my goal! i haven't received the certificate yet, but a friend of mine told me my score was 630. amazing, huh? I think all those training and preparation with TOEFL iBT mode really worked.
all that's left now is preparing all the paper works to complete the registration form for IELSP. I really really really want to get accepted. so damn badly! :|

Next:
got some committees going this and next semester. gonna be even busier than ever. and not to forget my very first internship. nervous, excited, and more nervous. my feelings are mixed up. can't even explain it well. words are always inadequate. lol

a little bit overwhelmed and pre-occupied with academic stuffs, i have so little time to hang out and just eat like a pig. but i know it will bring good to me. i can rest as much as i can when i die, correct? ;)

regards,

xxdephxx

A Little Something from Bali

2011-09-15T00:09:00.000-07:00

Hello there!

i promised i'd bring back and write something from my last short trip to bali (read my previous post so you won't get lost). well, i kept on forgetting and laziness took over me, and college was overwhelming (is overwhelming, still), but i can finally get my fingers to type. say yay! :D

so, how will we start this?
let's begin by saying one word about the holiday: okay.
i had a quite good time. my mom bought me some clothes and a pair of crocs and i loved them. we traveled to some nice places and mostly beaches, took a lot of pictures and stuffs.

i met a friend on the street, but didn't manage to hang out together. :/

i actually have forgotten what i did there and what was so fun being there. i love bali, it's a comfy place, but i think above all i hate the almost 8 hrs journey on land and crossed the strait to get there. i'd have enjoyed my trip more if i had gone by plane. but i didn't. (luckily i didn't get seasick or landsick)

ah! i gained 2 kgs as a result of my untamable eating habit and now i'm officially fat and so unhappy bout this. -_- i'm going on a diet right now, but so far nothing happens. dang.

Bali will be so much fun when you traveled with friends, believe me. if you're my age, going to a place like this with your family feels so wrong. maybe it's just me, but i wanna go there again, but next time only with my best friends and we'd have like a little night out.

lastly, enjoy some pictures i provided here, the only memories left from bali (me is the one with the longer hair, sometimes with glasses on and always with a nick j's dog tag, and a black bangle), aside from my now-starting-to-fade temporary frog tattoo on my left leg. (maybe i'd have it tattooed permanently sometime in the future)

when life gives you shit, don't run but dodge.

2011-08-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

don't read my title. i'm just acting wise. but there's a truth in that right? lol

anyway. i'm having a short holiday. and my whole nuclear family (+ sister's boyfriend) is going to Bali, and I hope for nothing. the last time i had fun with my family was when I was like 12. (okay, i might exaggerate it a lil' bit).

the truth is, i have a lot of thoughts right now. and i can't seem to abandon them even just for a split second. so, the idea of going to Bali for a short break doesn't fit me at all. it's not like i hate having fun. i love having fun. but only if I go with a happy mind. i only have bad and negative energy at the moment, i can't think happily at all. (i'm just hopeless, aren't I?)

the thought of leaving home while i have works to do and a sensitive dog to take care of is really really bugging me, and it makes me feel sort of like a bad person.

okay. enough of the bad talks. let me tell you what i bring to my short vacation. an insight of my DOMO bagpack :
1. a netbook (my sister's). I'll do my assignments while i'm away. i feel like a businesswoman already. hahaha.
2. iPod touch 4th gen. my personal and private getaway. filled with songs, videos, and games that can kill the boredom of an unsatisfyingly long journey.
3. a book (So Many Books, So Little Time - Sara Nelson). so far i've only read 3 chapters, but i kinda enjoy it. reading a unique memoir of a "readaholic" while enjoying sunsets at the same time, just thinking of the possibilities thrills me. :)
4. a disderi. it's a toycam with 4 lens. i have so many films left, so i decided to take it with me to capture the moments.
5. a pocket camera. me and my sis love taking pics. so it's only right to bring it.
6. blackberry pearl 9105. my smartphone. a way to stay in touch with friends and be reachable.
7. sony erricsson W880i. my old cell mate. it's half alive right now, but still usable. people should be able to text and phone me when i'm in bali.
8. writing tools. just in case.
9. purse. to keep my money safe.
10. basic make up kits. what i mean by basic is: eye liner, lip balm, lip gloss, powder.
i think that's about all.

don't mention my luggage. our family is currently finding out a way to make all our stuffs fit into 3 suitcases. trust me, it feels like we're moving out. -__-

i should end this post here. i haven't finished packing. and i'm thinking of posting a story of my holiday along with some nice pics.

ps: i'm still worried sick about leaving my dog ALONE at HOME. we decided to keep him there, instead of taking him to a dog care. i was so against this idea, but i had no one on my side, so I gave up (i swear i tried to convince them with my so very reasonable reasons, and i failed badly. they're just so strong-willed. i couldn't change their mind. I DIDN'T GIVE IN, i gave up). God please protect my little baby!!!!! :((((

pps: college sucks. painfully sucks. if there was a pain killer so that i felt numb, i would eat it everyday. so many projects and assignments, so damn little time. it will be a year of PASSIONATE journey. (i'm copying this off a book's subtitle. not entirely copying, but most of the sentence. hint: the one i mentioned above)

ppps: does my english skills go downhill? i'm so so so worried about it i'm turning to an insomniac everytime i think about it.

happy birthday me!

2011-07-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

today i'm officially 20 years old. "welcome to the club!" is the sentence that i got from some of my friends in uni. adulthood. finally.

i dont really wanna be 20, but humans cant stop growing old unless they die, right? so, i guess i'll just be happy with it.

i gotta thank my self for staying alive, thank God cause i'm alive, and parents for giving me life.

ps: i'm waiting for a specific someone to wish me a happy birthday, but i guess he just dont care. :( how stupid i am to think that he considers me as one of his friends, when i'm merely just an acquintance. lol. or maybe i'm nothing at all for him. awesome.

You can't be brave without knowing fears

2011-07-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

I quoted an animal from the jungle book. i forgot what animal it was, an elephant or some kind of wise big animals. who knows.

but i love the sound of it. you can't be brave without knowing fears. you need to know what you're afraid of, in order to be brave and courageous.

how does this apply to me? oh well, it applies to me. so very much. i'm afraid of so many things. i have fears. or fear. i don't think my fear is countable. you know, i fear death the most. but religion says you don't fear death. you're happy about the fact that someday your journey in this life will be over and you'll enter an eternal life with Him. i wanna believe and walk in that concept of death, but for now, i think i just can't.

oh, i'm afraid of my future as well. i mean, who's not? i think most people are afraid of tomorrows. of what they'd become, or what they could have been, if only they'd made the right decision. that's what life is all about. making the right decision.

up to this point, i'm babbling and talking vaguely. to be honest, i don't know what i'm trying to say. the whole point of this post is about me, trying to overcome my fears, and be brave, in spite of not knowing what the future holds.

i'm useless. i'm almost 20. in less than 72 hours. and i haven't achieved anything in my life worth living. i guess i always see myself as someone who looks awesome on the outside, but a complete mess in the inside. but no one knows about my 'inside'. i'm a good actress. i'm not extraordinarily bright, beautiful, pretty, cute, or any other positive words. if i were a ship, i were a ship-wrecked. but i wanna be saved. i need to be saved. in order to continue living in this world, in order to be someone worth remembering, worth saving. to live life to the fullest, and be fearless, despite all the fears building up inside my heart. with the coming of age, changes need to be done. or i'll die with regrets, full of could-have-beens. please pray for me.

the disappointment of the fourth semester

2011-07-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

my final result for the 4th semester is super disappointing. i definitely cannot accept it as i think i've worked hard but i didn't get the result i think i deserve. :(

i have mixed feelings right now. i regret the decision of accepting the position in HIMA. i wish i had known my result first, then i'd had rejected the offer. but there's no going back now. i know it's the risk i must take and the responsibilities i must face. guess i'll just have to bear it and realize that i need to work even much harder next time. no time for grieving.

yes, this feeling is like being slapped in the face. hard. real hard. gotta thank God for the opportunity and experience. being slapped once is more than enough. i'll make sure people will clap for me in the future. lol.

Good day!

fast update!

2011-06-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

we'll get straight right to the point:

i've ACCEPTED the offer.

and i think now i'm officially the head of public relations department of HIMAKOMTRA.
it still feels surreal for me now. but yes, i think i really am.

unlike last year, when i first accepted the offer to become the coordinator of the event of UKM SP, i actually feel all excited and can't wait to start my job! weird, huh?
but i'm kinda scared as well. i hope i won't disappoint all the peeps who have trusted this position to me. i MUST pick 3 GREAT kids, so i don't have to guide them all the way. LOL.

hello new job, hello new world, hello EVERYTHING. BLESS ME! :/

hi holiday! or hi holiday with thoughts (?)

2011-06-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

one day left before i could finally have my FREE-DOM! :D okay, repeat it again. FREEEEEE-dom.
but something came up 2 days ago, and now i spend a lot of time thinking and thinking and more thinking, and i still can't decide, up till now.
it's too risky, i'm too scared, but it's thrilling, i wanna try and face the challenge. WHAT TO DO???

i prayed to God, asked for an answer and some enlightenment. maybe some guidance. anything to help me decide, whether or not i should accept the offer. :/

this is something i never expected. this turn out of event, man, is so out of my mind! but it's exciting just to think of it. what i could do with it, and what i'd get out of it.

i promise i'll make up my mind by tomorrow, after asking for someone's opinion, or else. it's not good to think about it too much. if i wanna reject it, i have to come up with a good reason. if i accept it, i have to face the fact that the next 2 semesters will be harder than ever. am i strong enough to go through that?

anyway, i'm glad i've finished this semester well. i hope i get the best result. it's been a 6 month full of torture, tears, pain, and laughter. i'm taking one step closer to the adulthood. and I'M FREAKING OUT. thinking about the future is nauseating. thinking about what I will become is impossible, for now. the future is still dark for me. -..-

i hope my 2-month-holiday turns out great, and makes me ready to face my new phase of life. INTERNSHIP IS SO CLOSE, DANG IT! :((((

sunshine will come.

2011-06-07T05:15:00.000-07:00

i'm facing my final battle this semester. it's time for final EXAMS!
i'm all fired up to close another chapter, and start enjoying a thoughtless holiday. i have things to be taken care of. i have books i wanna read, series i wanna watch, hours of sleeping that i lost during the last 6 months.

i'm currently having a hard time, dealing with my subconscious and my troubled self. dealing with all the final projects and assignments that keep sucking up my attention. though i've finished most of them by now, i'm not relieved just yet. something about my doing is not right, but i do it anyway. :/ i just hope i wouldn't be caught or charged for the crime I've committed. lol. xD

sister is coming back in july, and i honestly can't wait. basically i can't wait for all the things that she will bring for me. HAHAHA. how wicked is that.
soon enough i'll have my old days back. the time when i just can lay down and do nothing, before the new semester starts and bring me to tears.

till the time comes, please wish me all the luck! i really really need that. :)

new addiction: TUZKI

2011-05-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

have you ever seen this guy?
i bet you have, because he's so famous in the emoticons world! lol

i've been searching for his name for a long long time, but never succeed until today. silly, huh? if he's so popular, why couldn't I find his name earlier? well, who cares about that again when you've found the name now. xP
so, i've downloaded a package of Tuzki's emoticons, and i wish i could transfer them all to my msn or blackberry. :S but unfortunately, i don't chat anymore. at least not through some IMs, like YM, MSN, AIM, etc. (: i even downloaded some wallpapers for my desktop! a little smile everytime i start my PC isn't so bad, right?

hello Tuzki! i'm delighted to know your name! ;D

Mr. Men and Little Miss

2011-05-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

tell me i'm late, for all i care. i just fell in love with Roger Hargreaves's Mr. Men and Little Miss's characters. it happened that today is supposed to be Roger's 76th birthday. and google, as usual put doodles on its logo as a form of appreciation. and there i was, stunned and realized that there are a LOT (i mean, really, LOT) of Mr.Men and Little Miss. HAHAHAHAHA.
overjoyed, i googled Roger Hargreaves, and tried to find a complete chart of Mr. Men and Little Miss. and guess what, i found it~ (yay, me?)

so i took this moment to give you the look of Mr. Men and Little Miss. Which of these characters represent you? i think all of them! we all, in some ways, have all these personalities described by Mr.Men and Little Miss. Some are just not as dominant as the others. (:

ps: i youtubed Mr. Men and little Miss's shows. it appeals to young children so very much, i wish i had known these characters ever since i was a little kid. i'd had been delighted. :( putting that aside, the show is GOOD. xD

I'm a good student

2011-05-03T01:46:00.000-07:00

Rules of the game:
Once you are tagged, you MUST DO this quiz and tag 25 friends, including the person who tagged you.
Copy and paste everything, do it and repost the title with whatever rank you were given.
Ranks are given at the bottom of this note
If you have done something in this school which is indicated by the sentence, mark the [ ] on the left side of the thing you have done with a x.
Let the game begin.

Level 1:

[x]Sleep in class
[x]Talked in class
[ ]Not seating at your own place in class
[x]Scolded by a teacher
[x]Litter the classroom
[ ]Did not do your homework at least 15 times
[ ]Submitted your homework late at least 10 times
[ ]Came late for school at least 10 times
[]brought/wore home clothes without school's permission
[ ]brought/wore jewellery to school
[ ]did not pay attention in class for at least 60% of the time
[ ]cried out "sian" or "wa lao wei" to the teacher
[ ]plucked a flower/ killed a plant in school
[x]copied other people's homework in desperation
[ ]played a trick on your classmates/teacher

Total so far: 5

Level 2:

[ ]sent for detention class
[x]late in class
[]not wearing your school uniform (if you have) properly
[]shouted at the top of your voice during lesson time
[]scolding vulgarities in class
[]spotted hairstyle deemed unacceptable by the school
[]used a school facility without school's permission
[]played soccer/basketball or any other sports in classroom
[ ]singing loudly during lesson
[ ]walking around the class aimlessly during lesson time
[]did not greet the teacher properly
[]made yourself a nuisance to the teacher

Total so far: 6

Level 3:

[]was asked to stay back after school/ break time
[ ]made a fool out of morning assembly
[ ]wasted the school's toilet paper
[]sabotaged someone
[x]irritated someone

Total so far: 7

Level 4:

[x]forged your parent's signature
[ ]forged a classmate's signature
[ ]forged a teacher's signature
[ ]made rude remarks to the school cleaners in front of them
[ ]flew a paper aeroplane down from the school from at least the fifth storey

Total so far: 8

Level 5:

[x]fiddling with your handphone during lesson time
[ ]played with your PSP in school
[x]using school computer to play games without a teacher's permission
[]listened to an MP3 player in school
[ ]messed with the teacher's pigeon hole.

Total so far: 10

Level 6:

[ ]vandalising with school property,
[]tried to defame your school in public
[]used the internet to scold teachers
[ ]fought with someone in school
[ ]shoplifted in school

Total so far: 6

Level 7:

[x]cheated in a class test
[ x]cheated in a school examination
[ x]cheated for your PSLE/ GCE 'O' or 'A' Level Examination
[x]Lied to your teacher
[]played truancy for hall assemblies/ specific lessons

Total so far: 11

Level 8:

[ ]took drugs in school
[ ]smoked in school
[ ]set fire to something in the school
[ ]locked the teacher out of the classroom
[ ]played truancy just after coming to school just to take attendance

Total so far: 11

Level 9:

[ ]refused to pay school fees
[ ]cheated the school money
[ ]stole things which belonged to the school
[ ]bullied someone in school
[ ]pranked called your school

Total so far: 11

Level 10:

[ ]raised your voice/shouted against a student leader
[ ]raised your voice/shouted against a teacher
[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your discipline master/mistress
[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your vice-principal
[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your principal

Total so far: 11

Level 11:

[ ]brought weapons to the school
[ ]brought real firearms to the school
[ ]brought a real bomb to the school
[ ]fired a real weapon in the school with the motive to frighten/kill
[ ]dressed up as a terrorist to school

Grand total: 11

Ranks:
If you are between 0-15 -------------{I am a good student}
If you are between 16-20------------{I am a good student but with occasional trouble}
If you are between 21-30------------{I am an average student}
If you are betwieen 31-40------------{I am a bad student}
If you are between 41-50------------{I am a very bad student}
If you are between 51-60------------{I should have been caned by the discipline master}
If you are between 61-65------------{I should have been expelled from school}
If you are between 66-75------------{I should have been sent to a reformatory centre

A Follow-up of My So-Called Life

2011-04-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

"every meeting has its end, but i hope ours won't end, no matter how far we are separated. i still hope that our paths will cross and we are somehow destined to be together. not as friends anymore. until then, i will try to look for another love, until i'm completely convinced that this hole in my heart can only be fixed by you and only you." - sincerely, ME

that opening sentence was resounding in my head the moment I knew we were not close to each other anymore. part of me said that i should just give up, i was the only one who felt this way, and i never moved on. but the other part of me said, why didn't you just wait for a little bit longer? he would, someday, realize that you were the one.

you know what my healthy conscious said? just GTFO my life. you could wait, but until when? until your hair turned white and you were completely alone with nobody to take care of you? wow. if that's what you called loyalty or love, then it sucks. love is a lie. and i decided to use my logical part of brain and took this advice.

go on to the less boring part of my life:
college, somehow, is suffocating me. as time goes by, and now i've spent almost 2 years in this field of study, i feel like i'm wasting my time for something i'm not born for, not meant to be. something that is not me. but i also have time when i feel like this is perfect, i have finally found my place. but unfortunately that kind of nice, positive, light feeling never stay long. i'm struggling, up till now, to find a place in this small, chaotic world. i, in no way, can describe how my life is like right now. i'm still the old, useless me, trying to be visible to the eyes of others and leave some footsteps on other's paths. am I going on the right way? have I walked, even just one step, closer to the very dream I have? only heaven knows.

moving on to the less serious matter:
i'm still in love with the jonas brothers. just so you know. i know i can be illogical sometimes when it comes to these new jersey boys. haha. andddd... i have a new boy on the block. his name is NOAH HUNT. he played in a short web series called "The Homes". go google him up. he's drop dead aw-mazing! (: don't forget about Park Tae Jun, too. my cute cute cute korean boy, together with Lee-KiSeop. hohoho. sometimes, when my life gets too complicated and stressful, i know where to turn my head to, and take a deep breath.

"When life gets harder, you just have to brace yourself and get even harder than life itself." -sincerely, ME.

The Homes/ Noah Hunt

2011-03-08T00:57:00.001-08:00

say, i'll do some promotion in this very post. :D

today, i just watched the first 3 webisodes of The Homes, original musical series from lockerz.com.

I first knew this series of course because Chelsea Kane (or Staub) is the main character of it. the story revolves around an indie garage band who dreams of debuting and recording an album. and here, Chelsea Kane plays as Anna, a girl from LA who just moved to a small town and just trying to find a home.

it's a short series, with each episode runs for less than 10 mins. but the story is quite nice, and it has original songs and video clips! so it's different from any other webisodes.

anyway, the thing that catches my attention is not chelsea's acting, but her co-actor's, Noah Hunt, who plays as Nil, the leader and the singer of the garage band. FYI, he's so effin' HOT! with a smokin' voice! O-M-G. i was WOWed. literally. his edgy style has completely hooked me! lol.

if you're interested and curious in seeing how Noah Hunt looks like, you'd better watch the series yourself. and be hypnotized with his dazzling smile. (: Noah Hunt, I heart you.

oh, and try to listen to his band's songs too.. find it on facebook : http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Definition-Of/202160878018?sk=app_2405167945 his band name is "The Definition of" - well, i found this name quite weird and unusual. but they got some really catchy tunes. please do check them out! ;D

follow Noah Hunt on twitter: @TheNoahHunt (he apparently follows back. he has followed me back! xDD)

Blank is the word that fits me the best right now..

2011-02-22T05:18:00.000-08:00

howdy, everyone! :DD

just a quick update to my current life and activities.. my fourth semester has started since last week. I hope it will be an easy semester, but you know.. you can't have an easier life when you're climbing higher. that's just not possible. in the first week, with some first encounters in classes, I already have the image of my life in the next 5 months. pheww.. sometimes I just wish I could be a brainiac. I could finish every task given as easy as snapping fingers. oh how wish my life was that pretty..

anyway, I parted classes with my college friends, which is, for me, bad. bad bad like bad, ya know. ==; not in every class, but in some important and crucial classes that need extra energy and attention. DAMN! but life must go on. even without my friends around, i should be able to survive. i'm a bit of a loner after all, right? lols

oh. one story i mustn't miss. my uncle just passed away. sad. sad. sad. sob sob sob. He died of heart cancer. i promised i wouldn't cry, but you know me. I'm a tear-jerker. of course i cried. but not in front of everyone, cause that'd be embarrassing. he wasn't even my dad and i wasn't that close to him either, right? but i couldn't help my self. i lost him. :(

one awkward moment happened when I was in the funeral. let me tell you this. everyone (basically my cousins) seemed surprised hearing i never had a boyfriend in my life. they kept asking where's my boyfriend, and I kept telling them i didn't have one. urgh. why do people think it is so cool to have a boyfriend and it makes you a nerd and uninteresting if you don't have one? my life doesn't revolve around boys. and i like my life this way. I am not prepared to be in a relationship with anyone. and the complication of boys are too much for me. is it my fault that i never find any boys that I like that much till i wanna make him my bf so badly? why should i lower my standard for boys, when I think it is them that should raise their bars to catch up to me?

PS: i am straight, i tell ya.

Campjur 2010 Give Respect and Be Respectable

2011-01-30T04:10:00.000-08:00

Just got back from camp, and now i wanna share my story and my feelings! :DD

it was a 3 days 2 nights journey, and overall a joyful ride with unforgettable experiences. i learned so many new things while i was there, doing my duties. i tried to be as helpful as i could.

the biggest fear I had during my stay there was my health. I was so concerned with it, as i'm afraid i'd get sick and be a burden to anyone else. but i quickly threw that feeling away and assured myself that I could do it and stay fit till I got back to Surabaya. and I did stay fit, thank God for that.

I still need to learn so many things, and experience more things like this, it will be very useful for my life. I don't know if I had been helpful or been a pain in the ass. maybe at times I wasn't doing my best and complained, though I didn't say it out loud. but i still feel grateful for the experiences and definitely will say yes if I happen to be asked to join the team again next year.

The people were nice, though I didn't get to know each and everyone of them well. but they're great people and great companies, so thankful they were all there and made everything better. I wasn't alone, and the people around me has helped me a lot along the way through every process I walked. the bitterness, the lack of sleep, the feelings of anger and sadness, along with the pain I felt sometimes, they were all worth the result we achieved in the end.

to be frank, this is the first time I felt happy being busy and occupied most of the day. I felt restless and I enjoyed every moment. definitely will treasure these memories and feelings forever. (:

PS: thanks for all the team that had helped and cooperated with me, and could stand being with me with all my uncertainties and my imperfectness. sorry if I had been a bother to you, or I hurt and disappointed you, which I'm sure I didn't do it on purpose. BIG BIG THANKS, it's a pleasure to know, meet and work with you. won't regret everything that has happened and hopefully we can work together again in the future. xoxo

Top 10 Favorite Boys in the World

2011-01-04T02:04:00.000-08:00

Instead of always posting my fcked life here, and make people sick of it, i wanna list something that can make me happy. that is, to list 10 amazing and popular boys from the world that never fail to drive me crazy everytime I see them. At first I think I should list 20 boys, but I cannot think of that many actors/singers that stuck in my mind. so for now, 10 is enough. LET'S START THE COUNTDOWN! XD (ps: if you know me well enough, you'd know who lands on top.)

10. Ki Seop U-KISS

to be honest, i've just known that he exist. I watch Pretty Boys and Girls on Animax every week, and he is one of the participant. he really is charming, and super cool. for me, he's more than qualified to be called an ulzzang (someone who's pretty, esp. known over the internet). as a member of U-KISS, one of my friends said he does beat box and he IS, indeed, very very handsome. in ulzzang shidae, he isn't so talkative, he's more like the quiet type and really maintain his image. but i guess there's more to him. I'm not a KISS ME (U-KISS fans), so I never really get to see how he is from a fan's perspective. but his smile and his charm has captivated my eyes and heart, and I go all AAA AAA everytime I watch him on Ulzzang Shidae. lol. He deserves a spot on no. 10.

9. Kim Joon

Woots! you must know him. he's famous of his role in Boys Before Flowers. yes, i like how he has a taste of western people on him. His skin, his nose, his eyes. Nose and eyes like these can melt me in a second. never know his personality. but his appearance is 9/10. lol.

8. Kim Hyun Joong

another cast of boys before flowers. before I watched Playful kiss, I'd put Hyun Joong on 9 and Kim Joon on 8. But his fine act on Playful kiss has totally changed my perspective. He's so adorable!

7. Hideaki Takizawa

He is the first Asian guy I love. for me, he's a legend in the world of beautiful asian face. red lips, pointed nose, super cute smile, he's totally my type. It's unfortunate that he no longer shines in the showbiz, and I've never heard of him again. but he still has my heart. for me, Tackey's charm never fade away.

6.Toma Ikuta

One word to describe this guy, CUTE! TOO CUTE! I wanna hug and kiss him cause he's just too LOVELY! I watched his movie only once (HanaKimi), and I was instantly in love with him. can't help but to smile everytime I look at his face. :3

5. Park Tae Jun

found this guy from PB&G a.k.a Ulzzang Shidae. The legendary ulzzang, and i can't agree more! uwuwuwuu... he's just irresistible. He's 25, 26 this year, but he looks like he's just 20. Cute smile, successful businessman, young, and rich, and he has almost perfect features on his face and his all. lol. never have enough on looking at his pictures. he's fashionable and have a killer look. lol

4. Ian Somerhalder

My favorite boy on The Vampire Diaries. At first I hated how wicked he was, but as I watched the first season of TVD, I found myself became fond of him. His acting skills are something else, and his appearance adds up to everything special about him. Ian Somerhalder, though nearly reaches 30, is so manly and unbelievably handsome. Damon Salvatore I love him so much!

now we finally reached top 3!! wohooo!! They're my favorite boys. for me, it's hard to decide who's on number 2 and 3, as they both have the same position in my heart. It's a tough decision after all.

3. Kevin Jonas

what can i say. I am forever Team Jonas. I love Jonas Brothers too much. and for me, Kevin Jonas is a good family guy. he is so warm, and he's funny as well. He loves his wife, and Kevin Jonas is, in my opinion, the perfect guy to make a husband. and a father. lol. I admit he's not as handsome as the rest of the brothers. but he's known for his personality, after all. and i love him for it. Go K2! (:

2. Nick Jonas

Strong, a fighter, a man, he's got the look, he's charming, and he's Nick Jonas. the second youngest brother from the Jonas family, and the youngest among the jonas brothers. yet, he's the most talented of them all. Living with type 1 diabetes and able to motivate many young people with the same condition, he's an inspiration for young generation. Nick Jonas has captivated many hearts and he's no player. He's my man. My Mr. President. lol.

1. Joe Jonas

Who else deserve the spot? I can't think of anyone than Joe Jonas. lol. lately, he's more known as a bad boy among the angelic Jonas Brothers. but for me, Joe is still the same funny man I know couple years ago. He's grown up a lot, but he still cares bout his fans, and I love Joe just the way he is. I don't care what other people say bout him (he's a player, jerk, etc), He's Joe. Our Joe. for the real Team Jonas, Joe is Joe. He's our Danger.

A Reflection of 2010

2010-12-30T21:50:00.001-08:00

I'm writing this as 2010 is coming to an end. today is December 31st, the last day of 2010. I tried to recall all my memories this whole year, but oddly enough, I couldn't remember anything special or important. or even something that instantly popped out in my head. as strange as it is, I came up with a conclusion that 2010, in my life, is a plain year.

From January to December, I haven't found anything that made me different or anything. In fact, I feel empty and I feel like anything i had done were pointless. end of story. I don't wanna talk about the sweet quote, that everyday is special, it's a blessing, you're still breathing until now, that's something to be thankful for. all those craps, i know it already. So, beside all that regular blessings I receive, I think I might need more than just regular. You know, something outside normal. :/

Here and now, i'll try to break down 2010 by several categories in my life. family, friends, education, love life, craps.

Family: I'm exhausted. I don't see my family as a family that's going well. My parents, well, how should I say it. They're hanging on a cliff. They live together for a quite long time, but they still, in my eyes, fail to be good partners. They tried so hard to make this family work, but the fact is, this family is walking on a tight rope. We earn enough to make the living, we smile sometimes, but I feel no warmth and loyal happiness. everything is a matter of formality TO ME. We look okay. But I, Myself, don't feel okay at all. something is wrong with this family. but noone cares to admit it, or brave enough to do something about it. including me. I guess we're a bunch of cowards, too scared to make any changes in our regular life and daily basis, afraid of making mistakes and failing. We think what we are right now is fine, and we don't wanna change. I, too, feel like that. I keep clinging on my parents, don't wanna be a little more independent. although I always have this urge inside me to be more daring and be brave. you know, to even drive a car, I keep making excuses and wish that I could somehow drive well without practicing. this section can goes on and on and on. I could write an essay out of this, but I think I wanna stop here and now. (ROCKY, my sole pet in the house is doing good, by the way.)

Friends: Making friends and connection is what matter the most in life. we can't do anything or reach anything without them. So, they're still as precious to me as last year. I've come to understand that perfect friends are imperfect friends that make your life less ordinary. and both in high school and university, I think I've found those that will walk with me till the end. and i'm extremely grateful for that.

Education: Even when 2010 is leaving me soon, I still can't make up my mind regarding what I'm gonna do in the next 10 years, esp. once i've graduated. I've made a decision to major in Mass Communication, with television broadcasting as my specialty. but I haven't put my whole heart into it yet. I'm not sure this is the road I wanna travel and walk down. But the good side is, I'm enjoying myself more and more in this faculty. trying to get engrossed in various organizational activities helps me a lot in the making. All in all, it's a good year for my education. But I'm worried still about my GPA. I just hope it doesn't fall down or get worse. I've tried my best. :)

Love Life: BULLSHIT. I'm not ready to get involved in a relationship. not even after all these 19 years of singleness. ==; Why is it? Nothing more than I still found myself waiting for someone that's just not worth the wait and the pain. I dreamed of days when I could actually get together with him. But then I thought that he might be gay. WOW! I hope it's not true. -_- well, some good things happened. He's not so far away anymore. but he'll be even farther not long after. and some old guy made an appearance this year, but he acted as a friend, as he already had a new crush. The strange thing is, I got bored too easily. at first I was so in fire in getting his attention. and when I got some, I felt happy. but as time went by, that feelings faded and turned into boredom and fears. I feared I'd ruin my current good relationship with him. I didn't wanna be in a girlfriend-boyfriend term with him. God, I even asked my self many times, what the hell did you actually want? when I drew my self closer, he drew him self further. But when he tried to get closer, I actually built a wall between us. So, i think it's a sign that i'm not ready yet to have a serious love life. Don't know when this will end. but unless someone makes a serious move on me, I don't think anything gonna change. That's it.

Craps: WHOLE A LOT! DAMN. I even felt like shit halfway of 2010. God, please have mercy on me, as I skipped the masses so many times, and I made false excuses. I tried to grow in You, but why you had to make me went down the road less traveled? I need to find some passions that can drive me hard. and that's my resolution of 2011. To be more passionate in things I do, and overcome my fears and my worries that have been hindering me these many years. AMEN.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011 ! WISH YOU A PROSPEROUS YEAR AHEAD. MAY YOU FIND HAPPINESS IN EVERYTHING YOU DO. GOD BLESS. :3

The Holiday Season is Here!

2010-12-16T23:08:00.000-08:00

so, wassup everybody?

for me to actually able to write something here again is a miracle. the end of the third semester in communication science department has come. and I am GLAD that I got to end it quite well. oh, i wish everything i've done will be paid off in the end by the grade and the GPA I'll receive.

you would be literally shocked if I said something else actually happened in my flat life. I hate the fact that now I don't really have a private space where I can just tell anything that come right into my mind, as I know many people are watching and reading. so I, too, cannot be frank even in this personal blog of mine. how unfortunate. well, i'll try telling everything, and if you want to, you can try decoding it. lols.

remember the story of the little bird who tried to fly? no, i bet you don't. cause i just made it up the second I wrote this. -__- well, forget it. it's about me. and the things I want the most. one of the object of my admiration now is not so far away, and I at first was being jolly bout that. To communicate, to feel kinda closer, those feelings were special. but when I realized that nothing was actually gonna change, that feelings evaporated. just like the mist, that will go away as the sun comes up. I don't know who's the victim here. me, or them. Me, not being honest with what I feels, and afraid that I'd ruin everything I had tried to build, or them, who actually are as gays as ever. ==;

that's when I knew I couldn't and wouldn't want to put up to this any longer. They stopped, I stopped. and that was it. I want nothing more but peacefulness in my fucked life. I don't wanna rush things just because i feel kinda lonely, and I don't want anyone to take me for granted and just throw me away the moment they find something more exciting to do or to play with. when the time is right, everything will be revealed. I will have someone because it's the right time and because i'm ready and feel completely comfortable with the change of phase in my life. until that time comes, I guess I'll need to wait and make myself busy with other errands, like the stupid camp. lol.

PS: It's supposed to be a long and nice and enjoyable holiday. so why must I clean up and do the house chores? It's just so uncool. Maid oh maid. why are you so damn cursed! :(

You know it's time to move on..

2010-11-13T01:26:00.000-08:00

it seems i have long forgotten how it's like to write on my blog, or pour my thoughts on this. or even my english skills. blah blah blah.. who cares.. :/

anyway, time has passed since i last posted something. and i feel guilty, as some of you might or might not miss me. lol.

a lot has happened. things i like, things i hate, things i wish i could wipe away, and things i wish i could repeat.. everything in this life is seemingly endless. though i know there will be the end of the road somewhere, and i don't wanna know when i will reach it yet. cause it's creepy!

let's just talk about my college life, that i still think is crap. crap. and full of craps. I honestly still feel trapped and lost. don't know where I am heading, or what i want. it's almost time to pick a specialized major, and for now, mass media is my choice. i've thrown away the picture of me being a public relations since the beginning, so mass media is my only option. a bright career on television networks is my dream, but that dream is far from coming true. but no, don't worry. it's not like i'm giving up. you know what they say.. you don't know how close you are to success when you have given up. (:

maybe this is also why i've stopped writing something in this blog. because i don't know how to write anymore. i'm strangled in the past, trapped in my head. can't let go of something i should have thrown away a long time ago. yeah, i'm being mellow. ==;

i enjoy my life, i really do. i just want more. and more. like something i've never felt before, i've never done before, something that's really out of my dream, way out of my league. i need something to wake me up. or to hold on to. because sometimes it feels so hard for me to breathe, but then i feel so empty. like there's a hole in my heart, and i have no idea how to cover it or to fix it. to put it simply, i need someone to fix me. literally.

i love my friends at college, they're wonderful and great people. i still love my high school BFFs, my all time BFF, and they help me paint some colors in my life. i'm grateful for that. but is it too much to ask for another one? the one that can be with me everytime, in every single way. by that, i indirectly mean an other half. ;P

oh, and one last thing. i start to feel how it's like to be busy. not only with assignments and final projects, but with other things too, like committee. i was given a position, and until now i'm not sure i can handle it, as i'm lacking of experiences. they picked me because i was the last person available though. dang. haha. when i think about the reason why, i feel suffocated and sad. but cheer up! that's what i said to myself over and over again.

i'll be the last one standing, and laughing. after all these pains.

PS: i'm not talking about heart matters, because nothing changes. i realize i never move on. and stuck at the same place. but i know it's time. and i'm trying.. just wish he didn't walk in and out as he likes anymore.

Odessa is Like That

2010-09-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

Catherine the Great received some boxes of freshly harvested oranges in the dead cold of winter. The note that came with it said they were from a distant port. The note said, ‘See what we are capable of bringing to you? We need your help to grow even more.’ Impressed, she sent a massive amount of money so that this port could develop further.

However, the oranges had been brought from other countries through the Black Sea. Without telling lies, the note to the empress did not explain the whole truth, as I learned when I disembarked there. The phrase I most heard during my 90 days of aimless travels was ‘Odessa is like that.”

When I decided to travel, I knew I needed at least one official commitment each week to help me resist the temptation to return to Brazil too soon. In this case, I agreed to come to Ukraine at the invitation of the government to attend the 20th anniversary forum of the disaster at Chernobyl. The event lasted only one afternoon and the wind was telling me to stay, so I decided to stay another week there. When I was asked what I wanted to do, I explained that I wanted to have some surprise meetings with my readers, giving them only two or three days notice that I was there. Many asked where I wanted to hold these meetings.

“Odessa,” I responded, without hesitation.

Everyone seemed very surprised. They wanted to know why. I told them I chose it because of Sergey Kostin, who had a project selected by the Schwab Foundation (of which I am board member). During meetings in Davos (the foundation is linked to the World Economic Forum) I was impressed with the Ukrainian men who, without speaking English, were able to not only show their projects, but also raise awareness of their campaign to the business people who were in attendance. Sergey insisted that I should know his city, and since I was being driven by impulses at the time, I felt the time was right to take him up on his offer. In keeping with a tradition that began in Puente la Reina, the local bookseller there organized a party/book signing for 50 readers, chosen by lottery.

A friend of mine lent us his plane. When we landed, my representative in Russia asked to see an invitation for the party to make sure that everything was on schedule.

“It doesn’t have the date, time or place on it!”

“Odessa is like that,” answered the bookseller, “those who received the invitation will phone the number on the invitation 3 hours before the event and receive the necessary information. Otherwise, we will have many counterfeit tickets.”

We did not think there would be many people there, but I asked my representative not to worry since we didn’t have any expectations. I visited the staircase from the movie "Battleship Potemkin,” the only reference I had to the city. Since ‘Odessa is like that,’ the party was a success and there were many more people there than we expected. The bookstore owner introduced me to a gigantic man that he said wanted to make a sculpture of me.

I never accept these offers because they usually mean standing and posing for days at a time, and I intended to return to Kiev the next morning, but the bookstore owner insisted.

“You will only need to stand for one hour, Odessa is like that.”

It was Easter, and Orthodox Easter is an important day for Christianity. I felt like I should accept just to give the man pleasure, as my need to return to Kiev would be a real excuse to limit my stay in his studio.

I went there with some friends. Alexander Petrovich Tokarev, the sculptor, says he spent a sleepless night praying (a custom in the Orthodox Church). Even without sleep, the work begins. I'm a little anxious; I don’t think he will achieve anything in such a short time. His hands were sweating profusely, and though they were moving quickly, his movements were precise, a kind of spiritual ballet. The other works in the studio surrounding me showcased his genuine talent and love to achieve the impossible. I began to feel sad because I would soon have to tell him to stop working because I had to leave.

However, exactly an hour later, the sculpture was finished! I was reminded once again that if you wish to do something, the universe will conspire in your favor.

Why should I have been surprised? After all, Odessa is like that!

Note: If you wish to see the whole process with the end results, click here:www.paulocoelho.com> Photo Gallery> 2006

Tag Tag Tag (when was the last time i did thing like this?)

2010-09-29T04:39:00.000-07:00

Rules:
Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions.
Post the first definition it gives you.
Tag 3 people.

1.) Your name?
Devita

1. Little devi, or Goddess 2. Sweet angel from above, as characterised in Saraf's classic 8th century Sanskrit play Dev aur Devis 3. Light and sweetness, derived from 1 From Sanskrit/Hindi

2.) Your age?
19

The Canadian drinking age. 2 years better than 21.

3.) One of your friends?
Ellyn

A girl who "has a face that could launch a thousand ships". She is as charming as she is intelligent. Her eyes are stars of amber and sapphire and her determination and inner-strength are unparalleled. She is the kind of girl you wait for your whole life. The kind of girl you can say "I love you" to without a moment of doubt or hesitation. The kind of girl you can wake up next to every morning and smile at in dazed amazement as you breathe a sigh of relief in realization that the dream you had pales in comparison to the dream-girl sleeping peacefully next to you.

4.) What should you be doing?
Assignment

A chance to practice the art of plagiarism.

5.) Favorite color?
White

1. The color white. Contrary to popular belief the word "white" is not a racial comment or slur.

6.) Birthplace?

Surabaya

surabaya isn't defined yet. (disappointing!)

7.) Month of your birth?
July

A month when mostly the hottest girls are born

8.) Last person you talked to?
Mom

The woman who loves you unconditionally from birth, the one who puts her kids before herself and the one who you can always count on above everyone else. Just telling her your problems makes you feel better because mom's always know how to make it all go away. Even if you fight, know that she's just looking out for your best interests.

9.) One of your nicknames?
vita

The Latin meaning for Life

Travel Stories

2010-09-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

Ekaterinburg (Russia): Shoes

Right after the fall of communism, a Belgian company sent two representatives to look into the feasibility of selling their products. Two different reports were received.

“Nobody wears Western shoes here,” wrote the first representative, “if we install a factory here, we will suffer heavy losses.”

“Nobody wears Western shoes here,” wrote the second representative, “If we install a factory here, we will start the fashion trend and sell the entire production.”

Kairuan (Tunisia): The Truly Devout

Abu Sari owned a haberdashery in the middle of the main market in the city. He spent all day selling, buying and bargaining with the customers.

But every afternoon he drew a cloth curtain in a corner of his shop around himself and prayed.

One afternoon, a mullah visited him. He said he was close to God and wanted to share his joy with Abu Sari.

“Where do you live?” asked the merchant.

“In the desert. There, I manage to contemplate the face of the Almighty Lord and swim in his blessings.”

“If you live in the desert, that means that you are still far from the Divine,” answered Abu Sari, “an enlightened man lives in the middle of a market, and is never a single moment absent from the company of God.”

Odessa (Ukraine): The Seagull and the Mouse

A seagull was flying over a beach in the Black Sea when it saw a mouse. It swooped down from the skies and asked the rodent, “Where are your wings?”

Each of them spoke a different language, and the mouse did not understand what the seagull said, but did notice that the animal standing before it had two big strange things emerging from its body.

"It must suffer from some disease," whispered the mouse.

The seagull noticed that the mouse was staring at its wings and said quietly, “Poor thing! It was attacked by monsters that left it deaf and robbed its wings.”

Filled with pity, the seagull took the mouse in its beak and swept it away for a ride in the skies. At least this will bring memories of the old days, the seagull thought as they flew higher and higher. Then it very carefully deposited the mouse back on the ground.

For a few months the mouse was a very unhappy creature, it had flown high up in the sky and seen a vast and beautiful world.

But as time passed, it eventually grew used to being a mouse again, and thought that the miracle that had taken place in its life was just a dream.

Irkutsk (Russia): The Beloved Man

A Siberian shaman asked God to show him a man that He loved. The Lord advised him to look for a certain farmer.

“What do you do to make the Lord love you so much?” the shaman asked the farmer when he found him.

“I say His name in the morning. I work all day and say His name before going to sleep. That’s all,” the farmer replied.

I think I found the wrong man, thought the shaman.

Just then the Lord appeared and said, “Fill a bowl with milk, go to town and then return. Without spilling a single drop.”

The shaman did so. On his return, the Lord wanted to know how many times he had thought of Him.

“How could I? I was worried not to spill the milk!”

“A simple bowl made you forget Me,” said the Lord, “and the farmer, with all his tasks, thinks of me twice a day.”

when you can't handle your emotions, breathe.

2010-08-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

as cliche as it may sound, i'm a fool.

i don't know how to start writing, to begin with. then i don't know why i never write again, for the past few months.

life is a roller coaster ride, they say. but mine is a broken one. it never go up. the track isn't up and down and upside-down. it's all straight and boring. sometimes i'm stuck in the middle of the track, nowhere to be found. crying for help, but i was crying without a sound, so noone could here me.

then came a new track i had to go through. now i'm riding and trying that track, but my emotion feels like a whirlwind that's so uncontrollable i think i will faint. stupid and thoughtless, i fill up my mind with trash and scams i'm not supposed to care about.

if you're still reading now, you might begin to think, what the heck i'm rumbling about. my thoughts are a mess right now. and my brain is freezing to the point that it can no longer be in a good use. i try to heat it up everytime, but fail.

maybe it's a payback from the Almighty. I never really keep my promises, and always good with reasons and excuses. but He wants to hear no more. Stop being judgmental, i said to myself. but i can't help thinking about every bad thing that could fall upon me.

after all, i'm writing this very entry with that negative ions around me. i'm a selfish coward, i'm so full of my self, and i don't mind being left alone. it's killing me in the inside, but it's a perfect mask to be worn.

don't worry, this lame girl is trying to climb all the way up and get out of this never-ending well. maybe you could wish me luck, and wish that your wish would be granted. i suddenly remember a saying from somewhere: we cannot wish upon a falling star, as it's falling too fast. there's no way we could make a wish before it disappears. so i'll wish upon a star in my heart instead. the one i'm sure is always there, and won't disappear.

~in the middle of nowhere, lay a girl, waiting to be found.

Friends and Acquaintances

2010-08-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

John and the Visions of Hell

"Perhaps Jesus sent some of His apostles to Hell to save souls,” said John, "even in the worst of torments, not all is lost.”

The idea surprises me. We are chatting in one of the few bars in Los Angeles. John is a firefighter, and today is his day off.

"Why do you say that?” I ask.

"Because I have experienced the same torment here on earth. I enter buildings in flames, see desperate people trying to get out and have often risked my life to save them. I am just a particle in this immense universe, forced to act like a hero in the middle of fire and despair. If I, who am no one of importance, can manage to act in this way, imagine what Jesus can do! For sure, some of His apostles are infiltrated in Hell, saving souls."

In the Huelgas Monastery

Sister Begona Miguel of the Huelgas Monastery says, "San Juan de La Cruz teaches us that silence has its own music; it is silence that enables us to see ourselves and the things around us. I would like to add that there are words that can only be said in silence, odd as that may seem. To compose their symphonies, the great geniuses needed silence – and they managed to transform this silence into divine sounds. Philosophers and scientists need silence. In the monastery, at night, we practice what we call The Great Silence. In the absence of speech we can understand what lies beyond.”

The Language of Dreams

Australia is basically a vast central desert with cities along the coast. Although the white man found it difficult to brave the interior of the country, the primitive tribes, the Aborigines, always managed to cross the entire country.

"We are a people who believe in dreams," says Sam Watson, an aborigine, "in certain tribes the elders gathered every morning to discuss what they dreamed the night before. Only after that did they decide the best path to follow that day. We are never left without water or food. Through the dreams of our holy men we achieve the same things that the white man does with his satellites and complicated apparatuses for geological exploration.”

The Singing Tree

A reader of my books met me at an afternoon book-signing in Bilbao, in the Basque Country.

"You always speak of symbols,” she tells me, "I want to show you a symbol that you have never seen.”

The next day she picks me up at my hotel.

"I don’t know how this started,” she says, "but legend has it that an old Jewish alchemist claimed that these trees could sing. The mayor of the town said that if he could not prove what he claimed, he would be killed. Ever since then, every year a tree sings in Soria, symbolically saving those who feel that everything is possible."

We reach Soria and go to a square. Little by little, people begin to gather and all of a sudden a complete band with all their instruments climbs the gigantic bi-centenarian elm tree in the middle of the square. Each musician occupies a branch.

Under the command of an invisible wand, a tree sings in Soria.

The City

2010-08-10T05:48:00.000-07:00

I stroll through the big city like I have strolled through so many other big cities in this world, and I see the same scenes; a man walking and talking on his cell phone, a boy running to catch the bus, a mother pushing a stroller, a young couple kissing in a park, kids playing football in a vacant lot, churches, traffic lights, billboards. I stand waiting with a group of people to cross the street and glance at the monuments that always show great men deep in thought, bearing the world on their shoulders.

I stroll through the big city where I do not speak the language, but what difference does that make? In big cities, nobody talks to anybody, everybody is so immersed in their problems, always in a hurry. Whether they are sitting in the square or waiting for the bus, anyone who approaches is seen as a threat. Strangers are suspect, we are taught that since we are children, and we remember it for the rest of our lives. No matter how miserable or lonely these people are or however much they need to share the joy of a victory or some suffocating sadness, it is better and safer to remain silent.

Even so, I go up to someone, regardless of the fact that we do not speak a common language. I try a second person, then a third, until a man who seems to be in a hurry, like all the others, answers the question I want to ask, the answer to which I can almost always guess.

“Who is this street named after?” I ask.

“I haven’t the least idea. Are you lost?”

I explain that I know where my hotel is and thank him. I wouldn’t know the answer to my question regarding many of the streets in my own hometown either. The glory of the world is transitory, as Paul said in one of his epistles.

I stroll through the city, which is more than ten thousand kilometers from my own apartment, but whose only difference is the view of the sea. In everything else, both cities resemble one another and I wonder what I have been doing for nearly two months away from home. I decided to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of my pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela with a 90-day trip, traveling in whatever direction the wind carried me, accepting some professional engagements because that would protect me from the temptation that at this very moment seizes me with tremendous power; to go home. Have I made the wrong decision, have I been too radical? I make my way back to the hotel, once more I will pack my bags, say goodbye again to my friends, go through all the security controls at the airport and move on to another big city where all the same things await me.

I go into my room, turn on the computer and visit the blog that I created for this trip. My readers send their comments, and one of them seems to have guessed what I have been feeling today, because he tells the following story:

“Once upon a time, there was a poor but very brave man called Ali. He worked for Ammar, a rich old merchant. One winter’s night Ammar said, “Nobody can spend a night like this on top of the mountain without a blanket or food. But you need money, and if you can manage to do that you will receive a great reward. If you don’t, you will work for thirty days without pay”. Ali answered,“Tomorrow I shall do this test.” But when he left the shop, he saw that a really icy wind was blowing and became scared, so he decided to ask his best friend, Aydi, if it was crazy of him to accept that bet. After reflecting a while, Aydi answered, “I shall help you. Tomorrow, when you are at the top of the mountain, look ahead. I will be on the top of the mountain next to yours, where I will spend the whole night with a bonfire lit for you. You look at the fire and think about our friendship, that will keep you ! warm. You will manage, and later on I shall ask you something in return.” Ali won the test, got the money, and went to his friend’s house, “You told me you wanted some payment.” Aydi grabbed him by the shoulders, ”Yes, but it isn’t money. Promise that if at any time a cold wind passes through my life, you will light the fire of friendship for me.”

The reader ends his comment on the blog saying “wherever you may be at this moment, thanks for having paid us a visit. When you decide to come back to our country, the fire of friendship will always be lit for you”.

And although the loneliness of the journey is still here in my soul, now I have a better understanding of what I am doing here.

Singapore, a place to go back to

2010-07-19T05:32:00.000-07:00

this holiday, I, for the very first time, spent 5 days 4 nights abroad. a-b-r-o-a-d. outside the country. seriously. for me it's one in a life time chance, though i want this kind of chance to keep coming to me. destination? Singapore. a place close to my friend's heart, as she goes there so many times, a place not so far from indonesia.

I've heard so many things bout this small country before. most of them mentioned bout how clean this country is. and i have to admit, it's awesomely clean. not in all places, but in most places, making it an even more beautiful view to enjoy.

riding on the MRT, the subway, was a delightful experience. not something you can find in Indonesia yet. but hopefully in the next few years, surabaya has this kind of transportation. comfy, fast, and well maintained. same thing as the buses. while i have never, even once, gone by bus in surabaya, i always go by bus in singapore, to reach the nearest subway station. a thrilling ride, i must say. the drivers drove the buses fast, and most of the time i didn't find a seat. so i have to either hold the pole, or hang on the handrail. both of them, still couldn't make me stood still and stiff. i swayed to the left and to the right. nauseating sometimes, but all in the normal dose.

what i love the most bout my trip? the shopping time, of course. singapore provides so many, if not much, shopping places, with a wide varieties of shops. not the thing you can find in my hometown. though i didn't buy many things (i got: sandals, necklaces, earrings, key chains, watch, teddy bears), i still felt content.

my second favorite moment: the universal studios in sentosa integrated resort. beautiful, stunning, a place called F-U-N, FUN. i didn't dare to ride on the roller coasters, or to get my self soaked, but i somehow still got to experience the other things too. watching Shrek short film in 4D (damn, it's WONDERFUL), watching the live performance of MONSTERS (some kind of musical concert, where all the singers dressed in monster costumes like vampire, mummy, etc. ATTENTION: the dracula, was so charming i couldn't take my eyes off him. i wish i could take a picture with him, but i couldn't. what a waste.), watching the special effect by steven spielberg, and other things i can't recall; honestly, i felt the happiest there. not to mention all the people in costumes that we could take pictures with, i love them! the costumes were great, they were nice, and i met quite a few : woody woodpecker, betty boop, king julien and the 3 penguins, 2 weird creatures, betty boop again (BETTY BOOP, for crying out loud), PO the panda and frankenstein. i had them all pictured in my head.

it's a shame i can't insert even one picture to this post, as i am, terribly lazy to move the pictures from my camera to the PC. lol. i promise i'll do it later on though, when i've finished my other task.

so, to put it in a nutshell, i had a blast. one time is not enough. i definitely promised my self that i'd go back again near in the future.

PS: i have one regret. i couldn't met Lynn. for many reasons. i couldn't make it, or she couldn't make it, or i canceled it in the last minute. sorry Lynn. :( let's meet next time i visit singapore. maybe because that will be my second visit, i'd have much more free time for my own.

SEE YOU AGAIN, VERY SOON, singapore. thanks for the aww-mazing and memorable moments! (the merlion i used to see only in the pictures, i could finally saw it with my own eyes. haha. :D)

in every second, i know you'll be there

2010-06-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

they say love is unconditional

i don't know if it's true

but, when i look at you

i know your love is unconditional and irrevocable.

they say that first love is the most beautiful love of them all

and i have faith in this

cause you're my first, and you are beautiful.

they say that once we said hello,

we'll have to say goodbye.

and though it's hard,

i know that it's time for me

to say goodbye to you.

with my deepest love,

from within my heart,

i hope you know that you're irreplaceable.

you're the best thing

the best that ever happened to me.

you're a gift from above,

a guardian sent to shine my way,

to light up my days,

to always be there for me.

and though we can't meet again now,

with a warm kiss and hug, please let me say

I Love You. I will always do.

i'm never good with goodbyes.

and i hope i never have to say bye.

i may have lost you from my sight,

but you'll never be far away from my heart.

cause i've locked you there,

for me to remember. and to cherish.

with uncountable love, in the memory of you.

xoxo

PS: Leo, you don't know how much i miss you. though you've only left me in less than a day. i'll miss your voice, miss your face, miss your warmth, miss your all.

The Five Laws of Sun Tzu

2010-05-31T05:51:00.000-07:00

“The Art of War,” written by Sun Tzu in 490 A.C., speaks of the five laws of combat, which are as follows:

Faith: before entering a battle, it is necessary to believe in the reason for the fight.

Rabbi Zuya had so much faith that he wanted to know the divine mysteries. To do so, he decided to imitate the life of Moses.

For years he tried to behave like the prophet, but he did not obtain the results he had hoped for. One night, exhausted from so much studying, he fell asleep. In his dream, God appeared to him.

“What disturbs you so much, my son?” He asked.

“My days on Earth will end, and I am far from being like Moses,” answered Zuya, “though I have tried with all my strength, I have not succeeded.”

“If I needed another Moses, I would have created him already,” said God, “when you come before Me on Judgment Day, I shall not ask why you were not like Moses, I shall as why you were not who you should have been. Try to be a good Zuya.”

The Companion: choose your allies and learn to fight while accompanied by others, because nobody wins a war alone.

A baker wanted to get to know a great guru in his town a little better, so he invited him to dinner. The day before, the guru went to the bakery disguised as a beggar, picked a bread roll off the display and began to eat it. The baker saw this and tossed him out into the street.

The following day, the guru and a disciple went to the baker’s house and were treated to a splendid banquet.

In the middle of the meal, the disciple asked, “How does one tell a good man from a bad man?”

“Just look at this baker. He is capable of spending ten gold pieces on a banquet because I am famous, but is incapable of giving a piece of bread to feed a hungry beggar.”

Time: a fight in winter is different from a fight in summer; a bad warrior pays no attention to the problem when he is young. And when he grows up, he feels unable to overcome it.

A camel dealer reached a village to sell fine animals at a very good price. Everyone bought one, except Mr. Hoosep.

Some time later, the village received a visit from another dealer, with excellent camels, but they were much more expensive. This time, Hoosep bought some animals.

“You did not buy the camels when they were almost for free, and now you pay almost double,” criticized his friends.

“Those cheap ones were very expensive for me, because at that time I had very little money,” answered Hoosep, “these animals might seem more expensive, but for me they are cheap, because I have more than enough to buy them.”

Space: you do not fight on a precipice the same way as you fight on a plain. Always consider what is most favorable around you.

I was walking down a small road in northern Spain when I saw a peasant lying in a garden.

“You are crushing the flowers,” I said.

“No,” he answered, “I am trying to get a little of their sweetness.”

Strategy: the best warrior is the one who plans his combat.

The Ninja warriors go to the field where some wheat has just been planted. Obeying the trainer’s command, they jump over the places where the seeds were sown.

Every day the Ninja warriors return to the field. The seeds turn into buds, and the warriors jump over them. The buds turn into small plants, and the warriors jump over them.

They do not become bored. They do not feel it is a waste of time.

The wheat grows, and the jumps become higher and higher. In this way, when the plant is ripe, the Ninja warriors still manage to jump over it.

Why? As a result of their jumping over what many may have seen as insignificant, has allowed them to be keenly aware of their obstacles.

since when does taking a breath become expensive?

2010-05-31T05:31:00.000-07:00

my last two weeks in the second semester. the end of my 2nd semester life in communication science is near. and i think i'm facing a dead end. i'm at the edge of breaking down.

i don't know whether it's because of my playmates at college, or the lack of motivation and hard work that cause this.

i've broken every chance i got on getting good scores, keeping up with my GPA, and many more. i just don't feel like my self lately. i don't know where my old self is. i meet so many people who are way more determined than i am, but i don't feel like motivated. bad as it is, i keep losing my spirit and energy. day after day, i don't feel like i love my faculty enough to make me want to stay or survive or do the best. i'm a goal-oriented person. but right now, i don't even know my own goal anymore.

the thing i've been dreaming (about becoming a news anchor and stuff) just slowly but surely evaporates to the air. my eyes are like wide opened to the fact that i only have a tiny spec of chance of being a news anchor (i don't have the look, the skills, the bla and bla) - and fyi, it's not all about me who don't have a self confidence, believe me i'm just being realistic.

what's more, i lost my sense of direction completely. all the bright futures i want, i don't know how to reach it. though my Guru of life once said "if you can dream, you can do", i always have this thought: how can you do when you know your dream is unreal and unreachable?

maybe i'm just a fool. maybe i'm not trying hard enough. but for the moment, i just know that i won't get a good GPA this semester. i'll disappoint and shock a number of people i know well and care and love. 3.62, will maybe fall to 3.00 or less. i don't know. :(

HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY BLOGGIE!

2010-05-25T21:26:00.000-07:00

hello guys!

natsumi is totally back on the track. and i'm celebrating my blog's 3rd birthday. to be honest with you, i don't remember the exact date of my blog's birthday. i only know that i made this blog on may. since it may, and it's nearly the end of may, i take today as the birthday of my blog. say happy birthday!

this blog has accompanied me through my best and worst, through the good ol' times, and up till now. i'm just so grateful that someone made something this great! i don't know how the world will be without this web-log technology.

thankful and grateful. beyond my imagination. though these days are not my best, i still take some time to sit and smile. for a little while.

may you enjoy your time on my blog. may my stories inspire you, in every way possible. with my deepest regard, i send you all a big group hug! xoxo

Responsibility and Risk

2010-05-07T05:20:00.000-07:00

Responsibility and risk

The Latin root of the word "responsibility" reveals its meaning: the capacity to respond, to react.

A responsible warrior was capable of observing and training. He was even capable of being "irresponsible": sometimes he let himself be carried away by the situation, and did not react.

But he learned his lessons; he took an attitude, listened to some advice, and was humble enough to accept help.

A responsible warrior is not the one who places the weight of the world on his shoulders, but rather he who manages to deal with the challenges of the present moment.

Of course, at times he gets scared when faced with important decisions.

"This is too big for you,” says a friend.

"Go ahead, be brave," says another.

And his doubts grow all the more intense.

After a few days of anguish, he retires to the corner of his tent, where he usually sits to meditate and pray. He sees himself in the future. He sees the people who will be benefited and hurt by his attitude. He does not want to cause pointless suffering, but neither does he want to abandon the path.

The warrior then lets the decision manifest itself. If he needs to say yes, he will say it with courage. If he has to say no, he will say it without cowardice. When the warrior assumes responsibility, he keeps his word.

Those who make promises they fail to keep lose self-respect and feel ashamed of their acts. The lives of such people consist in running away. They spend far more energy dishonoring their word than the Warrior of Light uses to keep his promises.

Sometimes too he takes on a silly responsibility that will end up in jeopardy. He does not repeat that particular attitude – but even so he honors his word and pays the price for being impulsive.

Of course, he ends up hearing unfavorable opinions. But before he takes heed of anything, he always tries to find out whether the person giving these opinions has ever done work better than his. Generally speaking, those who criticize have never fulfilled their own dream; only the winners are tolerant and generous.

Why do they criticize?

Because for every step the warrior moves forward, the critic remains one step behind. It is hard for him to accept that others are attaining something that he thought was unattainable.

This does not mean that he takes the wrong steps: he will make many mistakes, and that does not matter. Making mistakes is part of the path, correcting mistakes is part of his responsibility.

In order to make fewer mistakes, the warrior rests from time to time and feels happy with the simple things of life. He knows that strings that are always tight eventually become out of tune. Horses that keep on jumping over hurdles eventually break a leg. Bows that bend every day do not fire their arrows with the same strength.

Sincere Repentance

The monk Chu Lai was beaten by a teacher who did not believe anything he said. However, the professor's wife was a follower of Chu Lai, and demanded that her husband had to apologize to him.

Displeased, but without the courage to deny his wife, the man went to the temple with her and murmured some words of repentance.

“I do not forgive,” replied Chu Lai, “go back to work."

The woman was horrified. “My husband is humiliated, and you were not generous!”

And Chu Lai responded, “Within my soul there is no rancor. But if he is not truly sorry, it is better for him to recognize now that he is mad at me. If I had accepted his forgiveness, we would be creating a false state of harmony, and this would further increase the anger of your husband.”

Changing attitude

“Over the course of one year, give a coin to each person who offends or upsets you,” instructed the abbot of a young man who wanted people to follow a spiritual path.

For the next twelve months, a boy gave a coin to each person who offended of upset him, as he was instructed. At the end of the year, he returned to the abbot to find out what the next steps were.

“Go into town and buy food for me,” the abbot responded.

Once the boy left, the abbot changed his clothes, and disguised himself as a beggar and went to the gate. When the boy approached, he began to insult him.

“Good!” said the boy, “for a whole year I had to pay the people who upset or offended me, and now I can be attacked for free, without spending anything!”

Hearing this, the abbot removed his disguise. “He who does not take insults seriously, is on the path to wisdom.”

when everything becomes less important

2010-05-07T05:11:00.000-07:00

how should i start this entry? a word of Hello? or just another greeting i usually said, long time no see? or maybe i should just cut off the chit chat and come right to the point. i don't know what to do on this blog anymore.

let me begin this entry by listing some reasons why i still have this blog.

1. as an individual, i need a place to write my thought out. to express my feeling literally.

2. as a communication student, a blog is a good place to practice my writing. (really?)

3. to maintain my english skills as well as checking them throughout each entry. whether i'm getting worse or not.

4. just to babbling purposelessly and then i'd feel great.

5. to waste some time.

6. i'll think more later. i'm run out of ideas.

so i can mention only 5 reasons why i have a blog. i'm sure i have pretty much enough reasons, but i just don't know how to say it. and don't mind bout the title and the content. there is no connection between them at all. i just try to make a title interesting and to dramatize its content a bit. think i always fail to do that, though. lol. XD

PS : while a blog should be private, this blog is not private at all because everyone can access it freely. they say a blog is an online diary, whereas mine is not. not anymore. secrets are way too dangerous to be told through the cyber world.

another issue of warrior of the light is up next! (:

The Problem of Others

2010-04-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

There was once a well-known scholar, who lived in a mountain in the Himalayas. Tired of living with men, he had chosen a simple life and spent most of his time meditating.

His fame, however, was so great that people were willing to walk narrow paths, climb steep hills, swim rivers - to meet the holy man who was believed to be able to resolve any trouble of the human heart.

The wise man, as he was full of compassion, gave some advice here and there, but kept trying to get rid of unwanted visitors. Still, they appeared in larger groups, and once a day a crowd knocked on his door, saying that great stories about him were published in their local newspaper and that everyone was sure he knew how to overcome the difficulties of their lives.

The wise man said nothing but asked them to sit and wait. Three days passed, and more people arrived. When there was no room for anyone else, he addressed the people who were outside his door.

“Today I will give the answer that everyone wants. But you must promise that, to have your problems solved, you will not tell the new pilgrims that I moved here - so that you can continue to live in the solitude you so much crave. Men and women have made a sacred oath that if the wise fulfilled their promises, they would not let any more pilgrims climb the mountain.”

“Tell me your problems,” said the sage.

Someone began to speak, but was soon interrupted by others, as everyone knew that this was the last public hearing that the holy man was giving, and they feared that he wouldn’t have the time to listen to all of them. Minutes later, confusion was created, many voices were shouting at the same time, people were crying, men and women were tearing their hair out in despair because it was impossible to hear.

The wise man let the situation be prolonged a little, until he cried, “Silence!”

The crowd fell silent immediately.

“Write your problems down and put the papers in front of me,” he said.

When everyone finished, the wise man mixed all the papers in a basket, then said, “Keep this basket moving amongst you. Each of you will take a paper, and read it. You will then choose whether to keep your problems, or take the one given to you.”

Each person took a sheet of paper, read it, and was horrified. They concluded that what they had written, however bad it was, was not as serious as what ailed his neighbor. Two hours later, they exchanged papers amongst themselves, and each one had to put their personal problems back into his or her pocket, relieved that their distress was not as hard as they once thought.

Grateful for the lesson, they went down the mountain with the certainty that they were happier than all the others, and - fulfilling the promise made - never let anyone disturb the peace of the holy man.

-the next edition of Warrior of the Light-

Warrior of the light

2010-04-01T06:34:00.000-07:00

from now on, i'll re post every issue of warrior of the light to this blog. so everyone could read it and be enlightened as well. lol. XP

by : paulo coelho

www.warriorofthelight.com

Annotations in Airports

Moses parts the waters

"Sometimes we get used to what we see in the movies, and end up forgetting the true story," a friend said to once while we were looking at the port of Miami, "remember the Ten Commandments?"

Of course I remembered. Moses, played by Charton Heston, at one point raises his baton and with that action the waters were divided and the Jewish people walked through it.

"In the Bible it is different," says my friend, "in the Bible, God orders Moses to do this by saying, ‘the children of Israel are to go forward,’ and only after they start walking does Moses raise his staff to part the Red Sea.

Courage in the path is what makes the path manifest itself.

St. Augustine and the logic

A simple sign converted St. Augustine. For several years he sought a philosophical answer to the meaning of life. One afternoon in the garden at his home in Milan, he reflected on the utter failure of his search. While his mind was on the subject, he heard a child in the street, singing, "Get it and read it! Get it and read it!"

Although he had always been ruled by logic, he decided, on a whim, to open the first book he saw in his reach. It was the Bible, and he read an excerpt from St. Paulo, which happened to contain all the answers he sought.

Thereafter, the logic of Augustine paved the way for faith to participate, and he became one of the greatest theologians of the Church.

The Meaning of Truth

In the name of truth, the human race has committed its worst crimes. Men and women have been burned. The culture of whole civilizations has been destroyed. Those who sought a different path have been marginalized.

One specific human, on behalf of "truth", was crucified. But, before dying, he left behind a great definition of Truth.

It is not what gives us certainty. It is not what gives us depth. Is not what makes us better than others. It is not what keeps us in the prison of prejudice.

The truth is what gives us freedom.

"Know the truth and the truth shall make you free," said Jesus.

Artists Life

I Need to enjoy all the gifts that God gave me today. Grace cannot be saved and put away for later. There is no bank where you can deposit favors you’ve received, to use them according to our will. If I do not enjoy these blessings now, I will lose them forever.

God knows that we are artists of life. One day he will give us a chisel for sculpture, the other day brushes and canvas. Another day he will give us a pen to write. But we will never use a chisel on canvas, sculptures or feathers. Every day, perform your miracle. I must accept the blessings of today, to create with what I have; if I do this with detachment and without guilt, tomorrow I shall receive more.

The Frog and the Water

A lawyer friend of mine, Renato Pacca, sendt me an interesting text: Several biological studies have shown that a frog placed in a container along with water from his pond, he will remain alive while you heat the water. The toad does not react to the gradual increase of temperature (change of environment) and only dies when the water boils, swollen and happy.

On the other hand, if a toad is thrown into that same container when the water is already boiling, he will immediately jump out. He will be a little singed, but alive!

Sometimes we can be like the boiled toads. We do not notice changes. We think everything is good, or that whatever is evil will pass, it's just a matter of time. We are about to die, but we are floating, stable and apathetic as the water warms up every minute. We are dying, fat and happy, without having noticed the changes around us.

There are boiled toads who still believe that the key is obedience, not competence: might is right, and obey whoever is sensible. From all this, where is the real life? It is better to emerge from a situation, maybe a little singed from time to time, but alive and ready to act.

June 2001

Life is like a big bike race where the goal is to fulfill you personal legend.

At the start, we are riding together, sharing the camaraderie and enthusiasm. But as the race progresses, the initial joy gives way to the real challenges: tiredness, monotony and doubts about our own abilities.

We notice that some have withdrawn. They are still running, but only because they cannot stop in the middle of a road. They are numerous, pedaling alongside the support car, talking to each other and performing only their obligations.

Eventually we distance ourselves from them and we are forced to face the loneliness and the surprises of the unknown curves with the bikes. And after a while, we begin to wonder if it's worth the effort.

Yes, it is worth it. Just don’t quit.

You're Beautiful

2010-03-31T08:39:00.000-07:00

it's the latest korean drama series i watch, and i'm still watching it now. 3 episodes left.

TITLE : You're Beautiful (미남이시네요 / Minami Shineyo) a.k.a He's Beautiful / You're Handsome

episode : 16

one word : beautiful

i just love how the story evolves each and every time, and how the characters grow with the story. there's nothing we can do but to love all the main characters here. they're all represented in unique ways. each has specialty and different personalities. that makes us love them more. on top of that, they're pretty boys, and girls like these type of boys. (:

the story starts when a girl named Go Mi Nyu, is found by an artist manager, saying that he is her twin's brother, Go Mi Nam, manager. Go Mi Nam is in trouble, and Mi Nyu somehow has to replace his place and pretend as her twin brother. She becomes a member of a rising band, AN.Jell. AN.Jell originally consists of 3 boys, Tae Kyung, Shin Woo, and Jeremy. as the story goes, all of them find out Mi Nyu is actually a girl but don't mind about it. (Shin Woo knows bout this fact first, but doesn't tell Mi Nyu on purpose. Tae Kyung accidentally find out bout it, and confronted her at first)

and bla, bla bla,... of course they encounter many troubles. just like any other korean dramas, love is the main idea of this series. triangle love, 1 girl, liked by 2 boys. but the producer has successfully made this story somehow feels different than the other dramas out there.

over all, it's a recommended series, especially if you like cute boys, music, and love all in one place. :D

PS : Jeremy is my favorite boy, but tae kyung is irresistible. so, i can't decide. :P

---->Hwang Tae Kyung (Jang Geun Suk)

---> Go Mi Nam/ Mi Nyu (Park Shin Hye)

---> Jeremy (Lee Hong Ki)

---> Kang Shin Woo (Jung Yong Hwa)

JEREMY is the BEST!! hahahah.. XDD

thoughts and more thoughts

2010-03-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

hello there! i haven't seen you guys for a long long time.. almost a month since my last post.. i just didn't know what to write, that's why i didn't try to touch this blog. but then i realized, i need to keep up with my English skills, if i don't wanna learn right from scratch again. a great decrease is absolutely happening inside of me. though i hate to admit it, it's the genuine truth. i can do something about that, but i have this laziness and arrogance inside of me that keep me from doing what is right. feel ashamed of myself, i need redemption, and i'll try to make it up to myself.

start with writing. i'm suck at it. i know it, since the day i know English. that's one of many reasons why i have this blog, to review my writing, to improve my skills, and to have some fun. regardless, i fail to do this most of the time. most of my posts are what you called informal writing. this particular type of essay is useless for academic or occupational purposes. it's only come in handy for everyday use, for talking to friends, in an informal way. it's also helpful for daily conversation. other than that, no, it's not really what you need to learn. informal english is a piece of cake. you can learn it almost anywhere and anytime. turn on your TV, watch american's talk shows, or tv series, and there you got your informal skills.

but for girls my age, something more formal is what you need. the transition, from teenager to young adult, requires more professional way of talking in English, more formal writing type. this, is something you can't easily learn from TV. well, listen to some English news programs, that can surely assist you. but can you fully understand what the speakers say? that's the big deal. in formal language, a wide knowledge of vocabularies (not just any vocabs, but sometimes special/particular vocabs), phrasal verbs, and complex grammars, etc, is mandatory. without any of those, or some of those, or little bit of those, i can make sure you get less than 20% of what's being told by the newscasters.

how do I keep up? how can I learn? i have a busy, hectic daily schedule that can't be abandoned. i have projects, assignments, tests that need special attention. i have to maintain my GPA, keep it above the yellow line (which means >3.5) in order to achieve my goal for my future graduation day. with noone to talk in English to, i find it hard to maintain my skills and even to learn something new to improve my skills. i do learn English in college, but it's mainly just a basic English, something i already know since i was a secondary student.

so in the end, i come up with one solution that i hope is somehow effective. write anything in English in this blog, talk to myself in english, think in english, doodle in English, re-open my English notebooks every once in a while (to remind me of anything i've learned so far).

and that's how I see it. (does this sound familiar? yes, if you're a gleek. )

PS: Glee is my new addiction. i'm officially a Gleek. (:

the road to victory is the road of torture and hardwork

2010-02-18T05:17:00.000-08:00

the second semester has officially started!!

it didn't begin quite right, as some mistakes were done (by me and by the faculty), resulting a chaos in my study plan. this problem i was having had certainly affected my mood the entire week.. but fortunately, everything worked out just fine in the end. thank goodness for that!

does it mean my life this semester run smoothly? well, i thought so, but just like usual, i was wrong. completely. i've chosen the wrong classes. now i have to live with it. one class feels like pure hell, while the others don't feel right. my road this semester will be rough and bumpy.

there's no highway. it's all a process, for me to become who i wanna be. so i have no other choice but to fight and pour my heart into it.

nice things are still happening to me, though! they feel like super fresh air that erases the polluted air i breathe.

PS : trying to get back on the road. my english sucks. it's just getting worse since the day i left Kelt. now i have to catch up. don't wanna be left behind. gonna maintain my english behavior. i have no perfect environment to practice it. that's one of the problem i haven't solved. i cannot find the solution. up till now.

i'm no longer there

2010-02-05T07:55:00.000-08:00

making new promises.
letting go things i love.
facing a new beginning.
looking at a whole new horizon.

and i'm sorry,
you're no longer a part of it.

good bye, my love.
one last message for you : take it all. you'll never have it. never will.
(:

camp. and oh camp.

2010-02-02T05:05:00.000-08:00

3 days of torture, don't know if it worth my shoes. sigh. :'(

i sacrificed my lovely shoes just to be in the water almost all day. the result? you don't wanna know. just glad that they can still be fixed. i could cry all night long if they couldn't. XP

what i get from that camp? i could eat vegetables, even i don't like it. i could know my friends better, and i could get some kind of refreshment, i need it so badly. my emotion has been kinda fragile, it goes up and down easily. so, this camp was the perfect getaway. lol. XD

second semester will start soon, i just wish i can go through it all smoothly and get the best result. wish me luck! (:

this could be the start

2010-02-02T04:20:00.000-08:00

i have a lot to tell. just a lot. so many. so much. i just don't know where or how to start. everything seems so over the edge. i don't have the right word to say.

let's start by saying that all of my ambitions, my wishes, my goals, and my everything start falling into places. some into pieces..
all of those things have change my mindset. from being the best to doing my best. i don't have to be no. 1, i just have to do everything like it's my everything, so i would do everything wholeheartedly. (:

some people try to kick me or even stab me from behind. i know they don't have a pure intention, they're doing it for themselves. i don't wanna be one of them. i'll go and stay on the line. i believe that everything i do, i do it for God, and for others, not for me and ME. the world isn't big enough for me and my ego, but more than enough for love and caring. from now on, my intention is to basically do what is right and give everything my bestest, with a heart, that's willing to serve others. in that way, i know that i've served the ultimate being, and He'll be happy to see what i'm doing, no matter what the result will be.

i have so many troubles already, and there is absolutely no need for me to add some more. sometimes, losing is a start of something new and it means we're ready to win. and giving up doesn't always mean losing, if it's for the best. we'll always be given a better chance to start, to find a place where we belong.

something has brightened up my mind. and i'm glad i have a mind more open and more willing to give than to receive.

guess what!!

2010-01-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

just wanna know what is that. lol. XP

you're all i've ever wanted and all i never have

2010-01-07T04:20:00.000-08:00

it's been years since my eyes first met yours,
but the reason of loving you,
is one thing i never discover.
yesterday, today, or even forever.

and now we're apart.
this distance between us,
it's an ocean I can't swim.

i know i never really chase you,
i'm chasing your shadow.
still i can't get close to you,
as you never try to slow down..
and you never give me a single chance to prove myself.

for so many years,
all the time i have wasted,
all the chances i've skipped,
just to try to get you.
waiting. waiting. and keep waiting.

you're all i've ever wanted,
yet the one i'll never have.

let's move on now.
it's time to turn over the page,
and start reading and living a new chapter..

What a year....

2009-12-31T04:48:00.000-08:00

"Happiness comes from the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life and to be needed." - Storm Jameson

tonight, i take a lot of time thinking back to all things that happened to me in 2009.. fyi, it's new year's eve, and I decided to stay at home, occupied by my laptop, and write this, as a reflection of myself this year. am I a better person? what have i achieved this year? who am I gonna be in 2010? as i am sitting in front of danger, i'm trying to figure these out, with a simple hope that i will find my head held high at the end of the year...

i remember 2009 as my senior year, the last time i spent together with my high school mates, and bestest pals. the end of my high school time was so amazing, got the first place at school, some money, and beautiful memories left during my high school time. when i looked back, it seems only yesterday I stepped my feet on my school building and said hello to high school paradise..

i also remembered 2009 as a one sad moment where i had to left my dream behind and continue living life the way it always has. i did regret it, regret my decision of giving up and did nothing to fight for what i believe was the best for me and my future. but as the clock is ticking, i have to open up a new page of my life and leave all those regrets behind. maybe this normal life i have will lead me to a not-so-normal life i've always dreamed of..

2009 is the year of jonas brothers in my life. i've been in love with these 3 dudes since 2008. and in 2009 my love for them has grown bigger and stronger. i feel like i can love them as long as I want, as long as they want..

my 18th birthday was the day i'll always remember. nothing happened actually, but on that very day, i decided to make a fansite for jonas brothers in Indonesia and promised myself i'll continue on working the site to my fullest, until noone wants it anymore.. so many precious experiences happened since i built the site, and i'm thankful for that. it has a contribution making me the way I am today...

this year is also the year as a freshman in the university. though it's hard, and not as fun as i thought it would be, i'm grateful for it. communication science, i still don't know if you're the right path for me and if you're my life i wanna live. but i'll try to love you, and just do my best, no matter what. university life is neither pretty nor exciting. but i know what i got, my faith in God. i was a full time agnostic, but now i'm not. thanks to Him, that put me in a community full of faithful people, i started to think that maybe He is my only way.

just like any other years, love is not a thing i consider important. i have no love life, or maybe i'm waiting for a love that will never come to me, but i have decided i won't wait anymore. I will move on, with or without love. life must go on. so, goodbye my imaginary lover, though you're real, i'll see you as someone that has opened my eyes of reality.

in less than 4 hours, 2009 is ended. and i have to face a brand new year, 2010, with a brand new beginning. a beginning of my journey, the search of the purpose of my life, and my own pilgrimage in search of my identity. i'm taking my life to the next level, and that includes increasing my life's quality and all.

welcome 2010, welcome a brand new me.

The Joy of Christmas

2009-12-25T21:07:00.000-08:00

i was supposed to bring in some beautiful, unforgettable memories bout this year's christmas. but i honestly, and sadly, have none of those beautiful, enjoyable moments.

let's start from christmas eve.

like any other years, we (dad, mom, me, and a sister) plus a sister's boyfriend, went to the christmas mass. almost 3 hours at the church, and it's a usual thing. something i always do every single year.

continuing, here come the next routine we do on christmas eve. DINNER. but of course we ate out in a restaurant, not at home with those 4 people, 5 including ME. the restaurant we picked (or I picked, you could say) was a steak and ice cream place, BONCAFE. it has the best steak in town!

we ate, we chatted, we took some pictures together using not a digital camera pocket, but a blackberry 8900. so the pictures didn't turn out really good, but not that bad as well. what could you expect from a phone's camera?

what did I do then on Christmas, December 25 2009? basically nothing fun or even okay. i visited a friend of my dad's house, who is a rich guy, working for the government. he's in the army, i guess. a general or something like that. don't give it a damn. He held an Open House, where people would come and eat the food the owner has served for them. the only dish i ate was a chocolate pudding, quite tasty, but a bit too sweet. ><

the next destination was my granny's house. by the time we got there, most of my relatives have gone, and only 6 or so people remained. didn't practically do something there. i was sitting there, in the corner, watching TV. we only stayed for about an hour, then we got home. or did I?

surprisingly, an idea i didn't really like popped out of my mom's (or was it my dad's?) head. "We should totally went to Suramadu! (a brand new bridge built to make it easier for people to cross the sea and travel back Surabaya-Madura). it's been there for more than 3 months, and yesterday was my very first time seeing it. it was.. not horrible. but the fact that I was in the middle of the sea and the smell of the sea freaked me out. I didn't like our little trip. oh, and you know what! my mom brought our maid with us, which made my day worse. she talked too much during the trip and i hate her. but as it was a christmas day, and i was trying to spread the xmas spirit, I let her go.

that's all I have, reported from the home of my life, I, natsumi, is signing off. :D

another one. take me away.

2009-12-22T06:35:00.000-08:00

and he is the true warrior of light.
(:

quotations & pictures

2009-12-22T04:17:00.000-08:00

all are the courtesy of paulocoelhoblog.com

well, actually there are still many more.. but i can't just upload them all here.. gonna take too much time. lol. XD

dreaming of a white christmas

2009-12-16T17:43:00.000-08:00

i haven't been blogging for quite a long time. well, due to jonas brothers, fan meeting, final exams, and so many more. just mentioning them all will hurt my unhealed wounds. lol. :D

but now i'm free. though i cannot tell that i really am free, like totally free. cause another challenge is waiting for me at the end of the road. and at the end of january 2010. after all the crazy, roller coaster ride on this first semester, turned out that i'm not done yet. it's not surprising, i've prepared myself for the worst, but it's way worst than the worst.. the MOST worst? i have no idea what i should call it. but like my lecturer said, your perception shapes the way everything turns out and how you feel. so i'm trying my best not to think negatively about all this camp thingy, and just work it out. so when it finally comes for me to fight once more, i can make this one of my precious experiences. (:

however...

december is just not the rightest time to think anything not fun. cause it's time for christmas spirit!!! yes, dear, it's finally time for christmas. although i'm dreaming of a white christmas, i know i can only dream of a 'wet' christmas. it's rainy season after all.. :P i wanna hang out with my high school bestest buddies, but it seems that they're just too busy dealing with their current life.. and there's just no time for us to be together just like we used to be. for me, it's so SAD. and tragic.

actually, i still have so many stories to tell. one of them is about the very first surabaya jonas brothers fan meeting. at first, there were supposed to be like a total of 10 people came. but there were only 7 at the end. but for me, it's a good accomplishment. seeing from how hard it was for me to find just 5 fans in surabaya. :) but you know what, it was quite fun! we had a good time together, sharing gossips and stories bout jonas brothers. and it feels great just to be able to be me, who love them so much, without anyone judging me. the feeling is something i wanna feel again and again. :D so friends, i know i'll make another fan meeting on 2010. we'll make it routine. ho.ho.ho.

"living the dream man, we're livin' the dream" - jonas brothers

The man and his shadow

2009-12-01T05:14:00.000-08:00

By Paulo Coelho

Many years ago, there lived a man who was capable of loving and forgiving everyone he came across. Because of this, God sent an angel to talk to him.

‘God asked me to come and visit you and tell you that he wishes to reward you for your goodness,’ said the angel. ‘You may have any gift you wish for. Would you like the gift of healing?’

‘Certainly not,’ said the man. ‘I would prefer God to choose those who should be healed.’

‘And what about leading sinners back to the path of Truth?’

‘That’s a job for angels like you. I don’t want to be venerated by anyone or to serve as a permanent example.’

‘Look, I can’t go back to Heaven without having given you a miracle. If you don’t choose, I’ll have to choose one for you.’

The man thought for a moment and then said:

‘All right, I would like good to be done through me, but without anyone noticing, not even me, in case I should commit the sin of vanity.’

So the angel arranged for the man’s shadow to have the power of healing, but only when the sun was shining on the man’s face. In this way, wherever he went, the sick were healed, the earth grew fertile again, and sad people rediscovered happiness.

The man traveled the Earth for many years, oblivious of the miracles he was working because when he was facing the sun, his shadow was always behind him. In this way, he was able to live and die unaware of his own holiness.

PS : paulo coelho definitely is my role model of life. he never fail to amaze me with his superiority. he's been through so many things, good and bad, and all those experiences resulted to the way he is, now. x))

taken from : http://paulocoelhoblog.com

i am a sinner. i know.

2009-11-29T05:18:00.000-08:00

if i had to make a confession now, i don't know if 1 day would be enough.

i have too much to confess. about me, my life, pals, real buds/ fake ones, family, jonas brothers, fan facts, and so on. i don't think you'd like to hear my confession too. that's why i decided to conclude my confession in one brief and clear sentence.

I AM A SINNER.

i ain't a saint, i can be a hypocrite, can be a slut, can be a friend, can be a sister, can be an evil. i am everything you expect me to be.

but do that make me a worse person than you, than anyone else in the whole world? i don't think so. everyone is making the same mistake like I do. it's the name and the self differ our sins.

when you're reading this post, just remember one thing. i have the passion to be famous sometimes, i don't deny that. all of us have this one little part. some people just don't want to admit it. but popularity, or even money, is not what my whole life is about. there are more. much more.

I'm unintentionally declaring a war to someone. i shall not name her. but you know it's a she. i've never wanted to make a rival, or even an enemy. but sometimes, this thing is just inevitable. in a war, losing and winning are the only option. and in my war, winning is my only option. brain vs. brain. it's our dedication that will eventually decide the winner.

judge me, if that's the only thing you can do. but i have one philosophy in mind : judge yourself, before you judge others. may you, who never do a single sin, be the first one to throw the pebble.

the "IT" note

2009-11-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

hari ini ada kejadian menarik yang menggelitik dan membuat saya berpikir.
dimulai dari kakak saya, yang sangat bersemangat untuk menonton film yang memang sedang sangat in akhir-akhir ini, 2012.
sebenarnya saya menganggap hal ini biasa-biasa saja, sampai ia berkata bahwa ia harus cepat-cepat menontonnya sebelum minggu ini berakhir.
alasannya menarik, karena ada rumor yang mengatakan bahwa minggu depan film box office ini akan ditarik dari bioskop-bioskop di Indonesia oleh MUI.

wow, saya berpikir. gila sekali MUI bila memang menggunakan haknya untuk melakukan hal yang, menurut saya, sangat konyol dan tidak perlu.
Apa gunanya menarik sebuah film yang notabene sedang sangat digandrungi masyarakat dari peredaran? apa karena tema yang diangkat, yaitu tentang kiamat pada tahun 2012?
benak saya konstan langsung tertuju pada 2 hal.

yang pertama, saya berpikir ada kemungkinan rumor ini disebarkan oleh perusahaan sinema sendiri, yang berusaha tetap mempertahankan animo masyarakat untuk menonton film ini.
tak dapat dipungkiri bahwa film ini sangat laris, bahkan salah satu bioskop di Jakarta sampai khusus membuka 7 studio untuk menayangkan 2012.
antrean untuk membeli tiketnya pun sangat panjang, dan banyak orang rela, demi melihat imajinasi dari Hollywood tentang kiamat.
namun, akhir-akhir ini berkembang opini tentang 2012 yang tidak terlalu positif di kalangan masyarakat. mereka menganggap bahwa film ini tidak sehebat yang digembar-gemborkan orang.
satu-satunya hal yang menjadi kelebihan film ini adalah special effectnya yang sangat canggih, tidak perlu diragukan lagi. tetapi dari sudut cerita, film ini tidak terlalu menyentuh dan berarti bahkan terkesan dangkal.

yang kedua, saya bertanya dalam hati, bila rumor ini ternyata benar, apa yang ada dalam benak petinggi MUI sehingga ingin melarang peredaran 2012?
mungkin mereka menganggap bahwa 2012 dapat meracuni pikiran masyarakat, menciptakan suatu perasaan paranoid di benak masyarakat, sehingga benar-benar mengira bahwa kiamat akan datang tahun 2012, itu berarti hanya 3 tahun lagi dari sekarang.
lalu apa implikasinya bila MUI benar-benar bertindak demikian? saya menganggap bahwa bila mereka berniat melarang 2012 untuk tayang, maka MUI juga harus menarik buku-buku yang berbicara tentang kiamat tahun 2012 dari peredaran.
selain itu, sudah hampir pasti, jika hal ini benar dilakukan, akan memancik reaksi yang sangat beragam dari semua kalangan. dari yang mendukung, sampai yang menolak atau bahkan menghujat habis-habisan.

entah mana dari 2 hal itu yang benar, bagi saya tidak ada yang begitu penting.
yang paling penting adalah bagaimana menumbuhkan pola pikir masyarakat yang dewasa dan logis, sehingga tidak mudah termakan oleh isu-isu yang merugikan diri kita sendiri.
kiamat menjadi salah satu hal yang paling sering diramalkan di dunia. dari sekian banyak ramalan, hingga saat ini belum ada yang terbukti kebenarannya. ya terang saja, kalau terbukti, saya tidak ada lagi dan tidak mungkin bisa menulis seperti sekarang.
daripada memikirkan tentang akhir zaman yang abstrak dan ambigu, bukankah lebih baik bila menggunakan pikiran kita untuk melakukan hal-hal yang lebih urgent. seperti misalnya memperbaiki kualitas lingkungan hidup.
isu kiamat bukan hal yang dapat dibuktikan kebenarannya, tetapi hal-hal seperti global warming ataupun terorisme adalah nyata, bukan isapan jempol belaka.
akan lebih bijaksana, apabila kita mulai memprioritaskan diri dan pikiran serta tindakan kita untuk sesuatu yang real dan butuh penyelesaian segera.
soal kiamat atau tidak, kembalikanlah itu pada Sang Pencipta. bila memang sudah saatnya, masa itu akan tiba juga. bukan kewenangan manusia untuk menentukan kapan akhir zaman itu datang.
lagipula, masing masing dari kita tentu punya iman dan persepsi masing-masing tentang kiamat. tinggal bagaimana kita yakin bahwa persepsi kita itu benar dan dapat menuntun kita pada kebaikan.

a splash of happiness

2009-11-21T03:45:00.000-08:00

i started the week with a grumpy face. with a little hope that i could end it with a happy smile.

each and every week, i keep questioning myself the same question as always. what am I doing here? i think i don't belong here. maybe there was a place somewhere out there that's meant for me. so, what am I going to do now?

and those silly questions... i just can't get it out of my mind. even until now, to be honest. but at least i feel a whole lot better ... ^^

1st happy feeling : i had a lot of fun doing the jonas quiz held by jobrosindonesia. i was afraid at first, noone would join, because it's usually not me, who do the quiz. but i was totally wrong. they still excited to join the quiz till the end! XDD

2nd happy feeling : one of my lecturers actually commented on my note (which was happened to be my assignment given by her), and said that it's good. omg! she praised me! aaaaahhhh... that means i'm not a total moron on this field.. X3 - i think i'll post my note on the next post. it's in indonesian though.. x))

the most important thing : i know now that i still have that slight hope. i still can survive in communication science.. though there will be many difficulties waiting ahead of me.. maybe i actually wasn't lost after all. maybe this is the place for me.. no matter which one it is, now i have the power to face tomorrows. SMILE and CHEER! x))

xx peace love JONAS xx

the world is a pile of craps

2009-11-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

strong words i used there as the title of this post.

there's no doubt that soon enough we'll have to pay for what we've done to this planet.

(so not being put in my wish-list)

anyway, got some serious events during the week..

1st event : a kind of awkward 'committee club' had me stressed out perfectly! thanks GOWD it's over!

2nd event : the totally uncool TOEFL test i somehow did. AGAIN. as a part of my trials to grasp the hearts of all those F**Kin' pals. (complete joke, mates! no offense. glad to help ya out.)

3rd event : the sudden appearance of we-know-who (him-who-should-not-be-named). of course, startled at first. trying to calm down then, but failed, gracefully. okay. he screws me, for the xxx times. gaawwddd!!! i miss him a bit too much, huh?

4th event : the unexpected rival, came from an unexpected spot. new website for Jb indonesia is on its way. well, i know everyone knows that it's ME who made THE FIRST WEBSITE for JB fans in Indonesia (although with a free hosting). - well, that's exactly where the problem appeared. free hosting VS own domain, competing of the title the OFFICIAL JONAS BROTHERS INDONESIA website. guess who turns out to be the winner. hell depressing!!!

5th event : my swaying mood. (gah, like this never happen before), but seriously, this time, i feel so dang LOW. it seems like my eyes have just been opened widely, now i can see the true faces of my new pals. they're way too special, in their own, special way. too talented as well. HOLY CRAP! while all i'm doing is copying and pasting, they do "it's originally made by me" thingy.

lessons of the day : never be satisfied by what you've got. the sky is the only limit. means you still have a long way to go. never let go things you dear so much. without your realization, they're slipping through your fingers all the time..

(it's tickling me how hard i've tried to use fancy words, but ended up using some trashy slangs. lols. XP)

say u love me

2009-11-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

as the wise always said, 'love will come when its time."

but i don't know if it's worth waiting.
i mean, love is everywhere. except for a LOVER.
he's definitely not for everyone.
(or not for me?)

i find it hard, nearly all the time, to seriously fall for someone.
but to fall for someone unreachable? that's kinda my specialty. lol. XP

anyway, the point is, i wonder if a lover is really matter.

of course there were times when i wished i had a guy who was deeply in love with me,
and would take me everywhere.
but they quickly faded away. the next day, i never wish for one again.

despite all of these feelings, there's still a room left inside of me for love, and a lover.
about the matter of coming or not, seriously, that's out of my control, and doesn't bug me even just a bit.

sometimes, not having a boyfriend is a curse, but on the other side, it's a guilty pleasure. no joke.
^^

tackling life

2009-11-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

what's life? and what do you do with it?

somehow the mistery of life just getting bigger in my head.. i try to survive each and every single day, but well, as i try harder, life just gets even harder.

so i'm racing with time, racing with the speed of changes. everytime i slow down, time don't slow down with me. that's why i need to speed up, if i want to slow down a bit.

there are times i want to scream, and hope that time would stop. waiting for me, even just for a blink of an eye.

but i can't just stand here and do nothing. i think it's time for me to fly, to soar, and to spread my wings.

time for me to open up my heart, lay down my worries.

and i will fly away.

it's time for me to fly.

(it's a part of Jonas Brothers' songs, Time for me to fly)

Happy 3 months anniversary

2009-10-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

3 months ago, same date as today, which was my 18th birthday, and also the last day of my orientation week, I created a fan site for Jonas Brothers. I've always wanted Indonesia to have a home base for Jonas Brothers. I saw Singapore had its own JB site, so did the Philippines and many other countries. so i asked myself, why didn't we have one, too??

inspired by Jonas Brothers New Zealand's site, i made an account at webs. and until now, i'm quite please with webs, although sometimes errors do occurred. but i think that's quite normal and not so disturbing.

at first, i wasn't sure i could collect even 10 people to join. i kept promoting the site everywhere and in any ways possible so that people knew bout it. I tried to find some staffs to help me taking care of the site. and yes, I did find some staffs, 4, to be exact. and together with them, the site is able to grow bigger and better each and every single day.

I wanna say a big thank you to all of JB-id staffs, and also to all JB-id members. without you guys, i'm sure the site won't attract this many people. despite the fact that we haven't even reached 100 members yet, i'm quite pleased with the site's growth. maybe some people don't wanna bother joining, because they have to fill a form and verify their e-mail before they become a member. some others think that the site is unimportant and useless (and ugly?). but i'm sure, if we keep doing what we're doing now, more and more fans will join our family.

I really love Jonas Brothers, and I fully dedicate this site to them. I hope they'll come to indonesia someday, and if they do, i know i'll do anything in order to see them.

I'm nothing without you. JB-id site is nothing without you.

We still have lotsa works to do. but please don't give up just yet. there are many other things we can do. have faith. I love ya'll, and wish that you'd stay to help me manage the site.

http://jonasbrothers-id.webs.com

Love,

Deph

Opening recruitment for Jonas Brothers Indonesia Staff

2009-10-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

hey everyone, because we see that the site is getting busier, and some of our staffs can't go online too often due to their daily jobs and etc, jonas brothers indonesia decided to recruit a new staff to fill in the position of : Jonas Brothers Indonesia Public Relations department.

your job will include :
- being a promoting machine of Jonas Brothers Indonesia.
as our public relations staff, your job requires you to do anything in order to create a good image for this site and to attract more jonas brothers fans to the site.

If you are :
- indonesian
- a loyal fan of Jonas Brothers
- creative, innovative, dynamic
- able to work as a team
- able to go online at least 3 times a week to update the site

then you are the one we're looking for!

apply to us now. send your CV (like the one below)
name :
age :
Location :
phone number :
Motivation to apply :
your commitment :

and answer these 2 questions:
why should we choose you to be on the PR department?
if you're chosen, what will you do to promote JB-id site (your future plans, etc.) and how?

your application must be sent via email to : jonasbrothers.indonesia@yahoo.co.id .
subject : JB-id PR staff.
submit your CV along with the answers of the 2 questions by October 31st, 2009.

We're waiting for you, guys! let's ROCK together, ROLL together, with JONAS BROTHERS INDONESIA Fansite. the first and exclusive site for jonas brothers' fans in indonesia.

http://jonasbrothers-id.webs.com

p.s : have you seen jonas brothers' latest video, BOUNCE? it's so cool!!

go to this site : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH84sdcDPs8

All that it takes

2009-10-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

yes. i'm in the edge of breaking down.

you'll be asking when i will stop complaining

and just try to overcome

everything

that comes my way..

but you just don't know

and have no idea

how hard i've tried

to hold back my tears

every time i stumble upon something

and get hurt, over and over again.

you don't wanna understand

the pain i'm feeling inside

feel like the whole world is falling apart

and i always try to keep it from falling

i don't wanna stop

and admit my defeat

i know i'll keep on moving

despite all the scars i might get

throughout the way

all i want you to do

is be there

to be my shoulder to cry on

be the smile to give me strength

and i know i'll make it

to the end of time

p.s : i miss you

identity crisis

2009-10-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

what comes to your mind when you hear the word "identity crisis"? well, it's a state of mind when someone doesn't really know about him/herself and gradually losing his identity till he goes nut?

well. maybe. i don't know for sure either. lol. XD

i just think that maybe, i show some signs of that "identity crisis". you know, feel lost, really don't know why you're doing this/that, feeling emptiness inside, and more importantly, feel kinda desperate. am i taking the right way? am i heading toward my dream? am i doing what i must do? did i make a wrong decision? where am I right now?

those questions have been inside my head for quite some time now. also with some problems i'm dealing with right now, i think it makes the situation worse. crap. i desperately need a break. i have to get away from it all. take a summer holiday vacation, maybe? or just run away? what a crazy thought.

the point is, i'm not sure, really not sure, whether i have taken the right decision. people say when you're lost, you should ask for some guidance from God. well, i tried to ask. but He didn't give me any answers. sucks, huh? but as i have already walked half my path, i have no chance but to continue and survive right? cause the winner takes it all and the loser stands low. I absolutely wanna take it all. don't wanna be a loser. ==;

anyhow. the mid term exams are up next. for about a week or so, i'll take down those fu**in' exams and show them all what i got. hahaha.. XDD. gonna study hard till i die, you could say.

from the TV lab volunteer desk : produce a 15-min video, with the theme "culinary". 2 weeks to do the record, another week to finish the editing process. my group : a group of 5, consists of 4 girls and 1 boys. 1 girl from '09 batch (that would be me), the others, seniors. GODDAMMIT! my expectation : i would be the editing staff. i really wanna do the editing, although i have NO idea how. XP

new badges, frankie's birthday

2009-09-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

yesterday i created 2 badges plus 1 special birthday picture for frankie jonas.

1 badge is for all jonas brothers indonesia members, and the other badge is a special badge that's given only for members who are chosen as our member of the month. haven't decided and made a list of all the regulations and rules, but i'll do it as soon as I can. dont know why, but webs doesn't work well on my computer and laptop. shit. i hate internet when something like this happens.

i'm excited about the member of the month thing. quite sure it'll bring more members and can stimulate the old members to be more active and really do something. they can get a special customized badge! with their names, and their photos (only if they request it).

i'm planning to start the member of the month award next month, but it's not settled yet. i need to prepare a lot of things and make sure the regulations are clear and fair. don't wanna rush things and fail the plan..

anyway, i wanna say happy 9th birthday for Frankie Jonas!!! or bonus jonas, or frankster! X3

whne my mind goes blank

2009-09-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

okay.
so i've been online since morning, then went off.
no i'm on again.
simply because i have nothing to do, despite pitying on my head - it's killing me. i have this painful and sudden headache, and it just doesn't go away! x(

to avoid me, being way too sick, i decide to play something on facebook. wasting the time left from my telkomspeedy account. - i think i have 4 hours or less left. so little time. and september is still 23. ==;

anyway, do you know a good book/source to learn web/blog design? if you know some, please tell me through the cbox. i wanna learn something new. XP
i need something to keep my english skill sharp. i don't wanna loose it. X3

Books I'm Craving For

2009-09-19T21:02:00.000-07:00

below i listed books that have been on my wishlist for so long!

1. The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown
The Lost Symbol will once again feature Dan Brown’s unforgettable protagonist, Robert Langdon. “The Lost Symbol is a brilliant and compelling thriller. Dan Brown’s prodigious talent for storytelling, infused with history, codes and intrigue, is on full display in this new book. This is one of the most anticipated publications in recent history, and it was well worth the wait,” said Sonny Mehta, Chairman and Editor in Chief of the Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. This novel has been a strange and wonderful journey, said Brown. "Weaving five years of research into the story's twelve-hour timeframe was an exhilarating challenge. Robert Langdon’s life clearly moves a lot faster than mine."

Many people think that Dan Brown's books are not that brilliant. His only best selling novel was The Da Vinci Code. But for me, all of his books are just simply awesome. i truly love and appreciate his wild imagination. he's one of my favourite authors! X3

2. The Winner Stands Alone - Paulo Coelho

The beloved, bestselling international author of The Alchemist returns with another haunting novel-a thrilling journey into our constant fascination with the worlds of fame, fortune, and celebrity. A profound meditation on personal power and innocent dreams that are manipulated or undone by success, The Winner Stands Alone is set in the exciting worlds of fashion and cinema. Taking place over the course of twenty-four hours during the Cannes Film Festival, it is the story of Igor, a successful, driven Russian entrepreneur who will go to the darkest lengths to reclaim a lost love-his ex-wife, Ewa. Believing that his life with Ewa was divinely ordained, Igor once told her that he would destroy whole worlds to get her back. The conflict between an individual evil force and society emerges, and as the novel unfolds, morality is derailed. Meet the players and poseurs behind the scenes at Cannes-the "Superclass" of producers, actors, designers, and supermodels, as well as the aspiring starlets, has-been stars, and jaded hangers-on. Adroitly interweaving the characters' stories, Paulo Coelho uses his twelfth novel to paint an engrossing picture of a world overrun by glamour and excess, and shows us the possibly dire consequences of our obsession with fame.

Paulo Coelho has successfully be one of my favourite authors, beside Dan Brown, since i first read one of his books, The Devil and Miss Prymm. I love most of his books, The Alchemist is one of them. and i'm prety sure, The winner stands alone is one of his must-read book. it's been translated to indonesian. as the english version is quite expensive, i think i'll just buy the indonesian one. XP

3. Rolling Stone - Jonas Brothers; Special Collector's Edition

fill with all Jo-bros stuffs you need to know.
a must have guide for fans. i can get it, i f i want. (yes, i want!)
but it's so expensive, and i just dont have the cash for now. ==;

so, if anyone is kind enouh, or rich enough maybe, and wanna buy me one of these books, i'd be soooo grateful, and i'll love you forever! lols. XD

sayonara KELT

2009-09-17T19:15:00.001-07:00

yesterday was the last day of me, being in KELT.
i said i wanted to finish this last term with a great score. but i failed.
my score slipped and i think that's because i couldn't really concentrate during the tests.
now i'm confused whether or not to take the real CAE exam.

let's get back to the topic!
yesterday was the last class of this term. Xenia, our teacher, couldn't come. so instead it's Simon who gave us the tests' results. x))
everyone's scores got worse than last term. well, i have to admit that the tests were more difficult than before.. x(
i was so dissapointed with my score, too!!! arrggghhhh...

as many of my classmates won't continue to study next term (including me), they wanted to make a farewell party. but you cant call it a party, let's just say it was a farewell dinner. x))
yes, dinner! they had dinner together in a cafe called cafesera (never been there).
unfortunately, i couldn't join them. nobody told me that it was yesterday (the dinner), so i didn't bring enough money to eat. felt sooo sad..
so some of them went to have dinner, and the rest went home.
i personally dont know how the dinner was. i only know one thing.
i'll miss them so much (despite the fact that i only know most of them for like 3 months)! i'll miss kelt a lot, too (i've been there for almost 5 years), miss the teachers (all of them, that have taught my classes before)!!!

when i got out of kelt yesterday, after saying bye-bye to all my mates, i dropped a tear or two. think about it now, i was so emotional that time. <3

the thing i'm worried about now is, how will I maintain my english skill to stay the same? or maybe to increase it? it's hard to learn english when you're not in an english speaking environment. even harder because i don't go to kelt anymore. =X

I FORGOT TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH ALL OF THEM ! OMG! STUPID MEEEEE..... ==;

song i'm tuned into lately!

2009-09-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

BEFORE THE STORM - jonas brothers ft. miley cyrus

No this isn't what i wanted
Never thought it'd come this far

Thinkin' back to where we started
And how we lost all that we are

We were young and times were easy
But i could see it's not the same
Standing here but you don't see me
Give it all for that to change
I don't want to lose her
Don't want to let her go

Standing out in the rain
Need to know if it's over
Cause i would leave you alone
I'm flooded with all this pain
Knowing that i'll never hold her
Like i did before the storm
Yeah-ah-ah
Before the storm

With every stike of lightning
Comes a memory that lasts
Not a word is left unspoken
As the thunder starts to crash
Maybe i should give up

Standing out in the rain
Need to know if it's over
Cause i would leave you alone
I'm flooded with all this pain
Knowing that i'll never hold her
Like i did before the storm

I'm trying to keep the lights from going out
And the clouds from ripping out my broken heart
They always say a heart is not a home
Without the one who gets you through the storm

Standing out in the rain
Knowing that it's really over
Please don't leave me alone
I'm flooded with all this pain
Knowing that i'll never hold ya
Like i did before the storm
Yeah
Like i did before the storm

ps : i really love this song. and the lyric, is so touching. sing it nearly everytime i listen to JB songs...

2009-09-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

from what had happened in the last couple of days, i realize and learnt something.

when you have to let go 2 things that precious for you, how could you decide which one to be choosen? then i realized, sometimes you just can't keep all the things you wanna keep. there are times when you have to make a tough decision.

but i wish my decision is right. cause there's definitely no turning back now. just gotta keep going, and well. life goes on, pal. no matter what. ^^

apart from that, still got lotsa things to do. can't deny the fact that sometimes this kind of life just makes it hard for me to breathe. can feel that my bones and brains are just not working quite right, the way i wanted them to be. when times like that come, i wish i could just sit and take a deep breathe, hoping that it'd make me feel much better afterwards.

what made me so tired? oh yeah, cleaning that dirty lab

2009-09-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

what lab? that might be your first question when you read the title.

well, i have never written that i've been accepted as a TV lab volunteer. never said or even thought that it'd be an easy job. it's quite fun, you know. i kinda like the people. they're... weird? haha. XD. but in a good and positive way. no offence, man! x))

and today, they asked us, the new volunteers, to clean the whole lab!! (when i saw how dirty the lab was, i realized they clean it only once a year. after the recruitment of the new volunteers. sigh. ==;)
anywaaaayy... because of that, i couldn't go home till 5 o'clock. as a result, now my eyes feel so heavy i just wanna shut them.

i wanna be a real TV volunteer. the one that's acknowledged by all the seniors in the lab and finally be a part of the family and able to operate all the machines there well.. will work to the fullest!!!!! i have the confidence! lol. XD

A letter of hope

2009-08-29T07:36:00.000-07:00

when you're feeling alone, look back and see that I'm there.
when you feel like no one understands you, take note that i always try to understand.
when you can't figure out the reason of your existence, can I tell you that you're here for me? and wish that will make you feel better.

hey, I'm just a normal human being.
can feel all the feelings you feel.
can drop a tear, just like you.

i may not be perfect,
but can I at least be almost perfect?
not for me, not for them, but just for you.

and when I'm feeling alone, will you be there when I look back?
when i feel like no one understands me, can i believe that you're trying to understand?
or when i can't figure out the reason of my existence, will you say that I'm here for you?
and wish that I will feel grateful, for who I truly am.

some words are meant to be spoken.
although I'm sure there are some that don't need to be said.
cause we've already known that by our hearts.

some things need to be told clearly.
but there are some that need to remain secrets and mysteries,
as those are the reasons we're here.

"and when I'm going too far cross the boundaries,
what will you do?"

they just don't stop, do they?

2009-08-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

wow! can't believe i made it through the week. it's been a tough one. and will only get tougher. don't know why.
but i'm trying to enjoy it, seriously!

although some bad things did happen. like my radio announcer interview that didn't go very well. i got some really tough competitors, and i realized how unskilled i am. haha. XD. so well, i admit that i lost. won't be able to be a campus radio announcer. maybe that's just not my world. who knows. lols. XP

i don't know before that, tutors really really like to give me more and more projects and assignments. don't they have any ideas i don't get enough sleep lately? oh well, i'm just being lazy and some kind of stupid spoilt brat that never wanna work hard, aren't I? think it might be useful for my future. pressed with so many things to do. real life is kinda like that too, right? can't complain. if that's one way for me to be more mature, then i'll do my best. ho-ho. XP

anyway.. i wanna change my blogskin. i remembered found a nice one a few days ago. will change into it soon.. ^^.

tomorrow is jonas brothers facebook livechat!!! yeeeiii!!! can't wait! it's 2am, though. soooo early in the morning... ==;
but that's okay!! everything for jonas brotherss!!!

never get bored to tell you: join jonas brothers indonesia fansite!! http://jonasbrothers-id.webs.com
you will find a new family there, and we can share everything bout the boys. . . <3

happy birthday Joe!

2009-08-14T23:54:00.000-07:00

wow, can't believe that today joe is turning 20! x))

he's 2 years older than me!! XD

happy birthday joe!

i think i'll share a story about the reasons i love joe and Jonas brothers so much.

i started to fall for them about a year ago. i think that time, they've made their 2nd album , JONAS BROTHERS. i first saw them on disney Channel Asia, i remembered watching 3 young boys singing the theme song for "American Dragon Jake Long". the song was like : "american dragonn... he's the american dragon...." and so on. "who are they?" I asked myself. then i read the title and the singer, "Jonas Brothers".

"Jonas Brothers? Another pop boy band from disney channel? disney stars like Miley Cyrus?" after that, i googled them. read some facts bout them, and i found them interesting at that time. you know, young, talented, and super cute?? how could you not be interested? but i didn't really give them a crap back then. but, let's say the fate was making me see them even more. i watched Hannah Montana, and i saw them again there. so i was thinking : these 3 guys are something else! they're.. shining, i should say. later on, i watched "Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus best of both worlds concert", where JB made a guest appearance, sang year 3000 and when you look me in the eyes. i was amazed, couldn't take my eyes off them, don't know why. they took my heart in a second. and in the next blink of an eye, i've become a fan. at first, just a regular fan, not a fanatic. but as time goes by.. well, you know me better than i do. i've become quite a fanatic now. haha. XD.

ps : something's wrong with my twitter account. i failed to log in. is my account hacked? or twitter is just having another maintenance?

Love what you have, not what you don't have

2009-08-14T23:44:00.000-07:00

simply said, i'm in the mood to write something! x)). even just a few little words..

the post will have nothing to do with the title, i'm afraid.. it'll be so dang short, too..

the words just popped into my mind, so i wrote it as a title.. XP

Joe's birthday collection

2009-08-12T05:55:00.000-07:00

Joe's 20th birthday is coming up soon! it's on august 15. and all the jonas brothers fans in indonesia are making a picture and birthday greeting special for him. i made some too.. x))

2 are from me, personally. and 1 is from jonas brothers indonesia family. i asked my friend to make another one from jb id family. just received it today. you can take a look at them! it's awesome! XDD. check out for more, when our birthday video for joe is finished. X3

=>made by me! => made by vania

university : live report

2009-08-12T05:36:00.000-07:00

let's start this post with 1 question that i now find it hard to answer.

"why did I choose to take communication studies as my major at the first place?"

cause now i feel like i've lost my interest in the subject. well, i know that i chose to take that major because being a news reader on the tv news report has always been my dream (since i was a child, then i forgot bout it, and when i was 16, that dream came to me again.)

but as i'm living the university life (it's been almost a week), i started to question my choice again. i know that it's too late to regret the choice i've made now. parents have paid a large amount of money to send me to this university, and i just can't tell them i want to quit, right? that would be so irresponsible and dissapointing.

yes, i admit that i do have some problems. like friends? i know some people, but they just don't seem right. they're not the people i wanna hang out with for the rest of the day in the uni, or during classes and breaks. i can't find a person that suits my judgement. so sometimes i rather spend my time al0ne, in the library. i have become quite a geek recently. feel like an alien in my own department. TT^TT. and i always try to socialize and blend with them, you know.. maybe i'll like them if i talk to them much. (i don't hate my new friends, they're just fine. i'm cool with them. but they're not what i want).. XP => you may say i'm being too choosy now. XD

last statement : I'M NOT GIVING UP. i know it's hard, and it'll be even harder eventually. but i'm sure i have the ability to solve all my problems. if the situation gets hard, i'll try even harder. that's my commitment so that i'll be able to survive.

today's to-do-list : birthday treat!

2009-07-31T20:30:00.000-07:00

i know my birthday has passed like a week ago. but i haven't had time to celebrate it with my besties. so today, when we finally have some time to spare, we're hanging out together again! yay! i've been waiting for today, you know.. since these past few weeks had been boring and dull and such such. ==;

anyway.. check out this cute frog pixel! it's from cherry-berry.org . they got some cute stuffs over there. don't forget to visit them when you have time! x))

isn't the frog cuteeee???? i fell in love with him instantly! lols. XP

do you think my blog boring? or just the same as any other blogs? no special things about it? cause i started to think.. maybe i'm a boring person. who keeps writing boring stuffs although noone really reads or even cares about it. TT^TT

but!!! i love my blog. eventhough i never really write any poems again now..

look! i even try to make my post more colorful. with graphics, pixels, and anything. do you still think my blog is plain??

one last thing! for god forsaken sake! who cares!!!!! at least i LOVE my BLOG!

not tired enough to tell you, visit this site! be a member! i'll kill you if you don't! XP

click here, folks!!!

2009-07-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

the end of the month, cause today is july 31. so random huh??? i just so busy updating the jonas brothers indonesia fansite i built, i feel like i'm abandoning this personal blog. TT^TT

but, i actually have nothing to tell too. so, just let me tell you what happened on july 29, the day of the TOEFL test.

- i came nearly 30 mins late! and it's not my fault, it was the antar jemput's fault. (antar jemput : certain people whose job is to pick the passengers,like me up and take them to a certain places - university, school, etc and then drive them home again.)

- because of that, i had to do the grammar section really, really fast as there were only 10 mins left. holy crap!!

-other than that, everything was fine, i guess..

and i'm not tired or bored to keep telling you... please join the fan site i made for jonasbrothers!!! click here!!!!

i built that site wholeheartedly, and i wish all jonas brothers fans, esp from indonesia will join me there.

you can help me by promoting the site to all the people you know. will you give me a hand? x))

TOEFL TEST, tomorrow

2009-07-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

yeahh.. gonna take the TOEFL paper based test tomorrow.

gonna get over 600 score! lols. i'm daydreaming, again...

but i know i have to get over 500, or else i won't be able to take a certain subject for the university. sucks! i wanna know why they have TOEFL. i never take one before, all the things i know are FCE and CAE stuffs. lols. XP. is it the same?

oh.. who cares..

anyway. . for everyone who reads this blog, please join and become a member of the site i've just made for jonas brothers : jonasbrothers-id.webs.com

your help means a whole universe to me! i really need you to help me make this site big..big enough for them to take a look at it! (jonas brothers i mean)

happy birthday, ME!!!

2009-07-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

"if i could wish for one thing,

i'll take the smile that you bring.

wherever you go in this world, i'll come along..

together we dream the same dream,

forever i'm here for you, you're here for me.."

-----------------------------------------------

that's a part of my birthday wish. i don't ask for anything. just for my friends, and all the people i know, that have been so nice to me, and greeted me in any ways. i wish i could give you all something or anything you want, but i know i can't. so let me dedicate this song for you guys, that have always been so supportive. you're the best i can ask for.

i've grown up, once more.

i'm getting older, days by days.

but i know that i'll always have you.

yesterday, today, tomorrow, always. . . .

so many things going on inside my head

2009-07-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

yes, it is sooo true. no word can describe exactly how i feel right now.

i have done 2 days of my uni orientation, and i realize it will only get harder and more complicated. i just want time to fly fast, as fast as it could. lol. XP

all the things i did during these first 2 days were just so tiring and made me exhausted. when i got home, i had no energy left and all i wanted was sleeping and resting on my bed,e ven jsut for 2 hours.

apart from this thing, there's a more important matter going on in Indonesia. as you all may have known, we're still not free from those who we call terrorists. 2 days ago, they once again attacked indonesia, jakarta to be exact. 2 luxurious hotels were bombed, and many died and seriously injured, including locals or even international tourists. this is definitely a serious issue. we have to put an end to this kind of situation. we must work together to handle this situation..

INDONESIA!!! GAMBATTE NE!! SUPPORT YOU ALWAYS!!

the start of something new

2009-07-12T05:24:00.000-07:00

haha. XD. so cheesy. and that title sounds exactly like HSM theme song, right? but that's the perfect words to describe the situation I'm in now. tomorrow, all my activities at university will begin. feel a bit anxious, nervous, excited, and afraid and lazy... all in one, you could say. just don't know how i truly feel right now. hmm.. maybe it's because i have NO idea how university life is like. i'm not sure whether I'll like my new environment or not. x(

people! follow me on twitter... cause i wanna have A LOT of followers, just like celebrities. lols. XD.

click here to follow me!

i don't know what to write.. but i'll make sure i'll write everything later, when i have adapted to this brand new something. haha. XP

I LOVE JONAS BROTHERS!! <3

2009-07-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

Kevin+Joe+Nick= LOVE!! (Math is easy!) ♫♪♪You say BFF, I say Just Friends. You say High School Musical, I say Camp Rock. You say HELP!, I say S.O.S! You say Love song, I say Lovebug. You say group project, I say One Man Show. You say Miley, I say Selena. You say Kevin's ugly, I say go look in a mirror. You say 5 minutes, I say 6 minutes. You say in a sec, I say Hold on. You say just breathe, I say Just Take a Breath. You say Cody Linley rocks your socks, I say Nick J's Off the Chain! You say Las Vegas, I say Hollywood. You say Froot Loops, I say CORN POPS BOYZ! You say outcast, I say Underdog. You say hey gorgeous, I say Hello Beautiful. You say I love you, I say Please Be Mine. You say take it slow, I say One Day at a Time. You say close, I say Inseparable. You say 8:00, I say 7:05. You say see ya, I say Goodnight and Goodbye. You say IDK, I say You Just Don't Know It. You say Hannah Montanna, I say JONAS. You say New York, I say New Jersey. You say freezing cold, I say Burnin Up. You say burned, I say Poned. You say forever, I say Eternity. You say this evening, I say Tonight. You say be nice, I say BB Good. You say I gotta go, I say Time For me to Fly! You say love is in the air, I say Love is on It's Way. You say China, I say Australia. You say leave me alone, I say Move On. You say Kids of America, I say Kids of the Future. You say party animal, I say Live to Party! You say there ARE cars in Oklahoma, I say yeah right! You say 1985, I say Year 3000. You say I'm obsessed, I say I'm in love. You ask why I'm so crazy, I say I am What I am! You ask me why I love the Jonas Brothers, I say That's Just the Way I Roll! ♪♪ ♫ ♥♥The Jonas Brothers!♥♥ It takes a second to love their looks♥ It takes a minute to love them♥ It takes an hour to love their songs♥ It takes a day to know everything about them♥ But it takes an entire lifetime to forget them!♥ You got a problem with The Jonas Brothers? solve it. You think The Jonas Brothers are tripping? tie their shoes. You cant stand The Jonas Brothers? sit down. You cant face The Jonas Brothers? turn around. 5% of teens would be happy if The Jonas Brothers were standing on the edge of a building ready to jump, copy and paste if your part of the 95% yelling "don't jump, we love you!!!!!!

Paste it somewhere if you love them too!! ^^

i got this from my ffe friends, imz! X3

my daily routine starts again..

2009-07-06T19:29:00.000-07:00

i dunno whether i should feel happy or not. today is the first day of my new class at kelt. yes, new class, with a whole new mates that i haven't met before. feel kinda anxious. what if they weren't nice to new people? or maybe i couldn't fit in. dammit. these bad thoughts are filling my mind now. what if i couldn't adapt to this new class? hhaha.. XDD.

anyway... enough bout KELT. sick already. ==;

tomorrow.. is the election day for Indonesians. the government are hoping that all the citizens will vote for their favorite president. and so, i'll vote too.. eventhough i personally think none of the candidates are really suitable to run a country. but i have no other choice, right? i'll vote for the one that maybe is better than anyone else.

but i have a feeling that most voters will vote for the incumbent president. who is our president now. he's so famous. and.. i dont know. awkward. i'm not a big fan of him, and i don't really support him. but if he were chosen again to lead this country once more, i really hope he'll do the best. this country badly need a good leader. xP

another tag

2009-07-01T05:31:00.000-07:00

this is also from yaya... <3

The Basics

Hair Color : black
Eye Color : dark brown
Height : 153.5 cm
Profession(s) : student. university student. x))
Relationship Status : single
Religious Views : none. as i've said before, i'm half atheist.

My Favorites
Favorite Color : orange, green, blue, white and black
Favorite Car : car that can drive itself. lols. XP
Favorite Movie : Wall-E
Favorite Hobbies : reading, blogging, singing, listening to music, hanging out
Favorite Song/Singer : JONAS BROTHERS!
Favorite Book/Author : DAN BROWN!!!! and most of Paulo coelho's books. my most sincere respect for them, they're AWeeesOme!
Favorite School Subject : aHA! none! except, english maybe..
Favorite Vacation Destinations : anywhere Jonas Brothers be...
Favorite Food : Double Cheese Burger!
Favorite Restaurant : hmm... McD? and japanese restaurants
Favorite Animals : Dog, cat, Panda, grizzly bear, Koala, and... wolf!
Favorite Store : nah.. i must say.. Bookstores. you know, gramedia and stuffs. XP
Favorite Celebrity : Jonas Brothers! i think i don't really have to answer it again.. lols. XP
Favorite Childhood Friend: i forgot bout my childhood already. but let's just say.. Felicia..
Favorite Childhood Memory : None! i was brainwashed and now i remember nothing bout my childhood. haHA! XD
Favorite People In Your Life : JONAS BROTHERS! and myself, of course.
Favorite Facebook Application : none. oh, jonas brothers calendar. <3

This or That
Chocolate or Vanilla : definitely, VANILLA!
Big Mac or Whopper : BIG MAC!
Coke or Pepsi : Coke?
Beer or Wine : none...
Coffee or Tea : tea, without a doubt..
Apple Juice or O.J. : what's O.J? orange juice?
Facebook or MySpace : hard decision.. maybe both..
Summer or Winter : never experience any of that. .
Windows or Mac : windows. i don't use Mac..
Cats or Dogs : all of them!
Boxers or Briefs : i dunno.. getting confused now..
Rain or Shine : rainn.. but no flood, please.. and i actually prefer cloudy..
Chips or Popcorn : chips!!!
Salty or Sweet : both
Plane or Boat : plane...
Morning or Night : evening?
Movie or Play : movie.. never watch a play before..
Walk or Drive : fly! haha. walk, walk.. x))
Money or Love : a tricky question, huh? i have to say money. but love, hmm..
Breakfast or Dinner : breakfast..
Forgiveness or Revenge : both!
Paint or Wallpaper : wallpaper
House or Apartment : house. but a big, modern apartment is nice too.. XP

Do You?
Have Any Pets : yes, 2!
Have Any Children : i'm 18, for crying out loud!
Smoke : no
Drink : no. it makes me sickk.
Exercise : haha. i'm lazy. so, no.
Spend Your Life On Facebook : that's what you called, MORONS.
Play On A Sports Team : definite Noo.. i'm no sport fan..
Belong To Any Organizations : does jonas brothers fan club count as organization?
Love Your Job : what job?
Like To Cook : haha. i like to eat, not cook..
Play An Instrument : piano (used to). but not anymore.
Sing : absolutely yes. although i'm a bad singer..
Dance : random dance, yes.
Speak Multiple Languages : only indonesian, and english
Ice Skate : T^T
Swim : i can drown!!!
Paint : i hate painting
Write : yes! it can be kinda fun..
Ski : where would i do that kind of activity??
Juggle : like a clown, you mean?

Have You Ever
Stolen Anything : hmmm.. maybe yes..
Been Drunk Before Noon : nope, never,,
Had Sex In A Public Place : have you lost your mind? or maybe you're half dog.
Got Caught Telling A Lie : haha. yeahh..
Got A Speeding Ticket : i don't really drive..
Been Arrested : i never commit a serious crime...
Littered : yes. omg, i'm so ashamed..
Fantasized About A Co-Worker : nah. stupid..
Cheated On A Test : yes.. that has become kinda a habit..
Cheated In A Relationship : never been in one..
Failed A Class : why should I? i'm smart, you know.. XP
Screened Your Phone Calls : yes, lotsa time..
Eaten Food Off The Floor : a big no-no!
Stuck Gum Under A Desk : grosss!!!
Wished You Were Someone Else : haha. why wouldn't I?
Cried During A Movie : yeah, easily..
Had A One Night Stand : maann.. next question please?
Misc: what the hell do you mean by misc?

Describe Yourself In One Word : awesome!
Biggest Fear : die.
Biggest Mistake : haha.
Your Proudest Accomplishment : noneeee...
#1 Priority In Your Life : education (so i can earn lotsa money when i grow up)
Dream Job : be come the most important person who rules the whole universe!!!!
Causes You Believe In : global warming, i guess..
Special Talents : eerrrrrr... i dunno.
Where Are You Right Now : inside my house?
Where Would You Rather Be : anywhere but here.
Famous Person You Want To Meet : JONAS BROTHERS!!!
Place To Visit Before You Die : White house?
Song Played At Your Funeral : maann.. i'm gonna live forever!

TAG 5 people : lynn, fhe, vivian, yaz, phol

all 4 things

2009-07-01T05:07:00.000-07:00

lotsa tags today! lols. XP

and i have no stories to be told. except the fact that i can't found Rolling Stone US 1082-83, which Jonas Brothers appear once again on its cover. huh. ==;

anyway.. i got these tags from yaya. thanks, dearie... X3

----------------------------

4 things many don’t know:
1. that i'm actually half atheist? or in other word, agnostic.. XP
2. i'm crazy and deeply and inevitably in love with JONAS BROTHERS
3. my true LIFE
4. MANY? and makes it impossible for me to shrink them into 4.. x))

4 movies I could watch over and over:
1. jonas brothers the 3D concert experience! (eventhough i haven't got the DVD, but i know i will. and i'm 150% sure i'll watch it over and over again, and SCREAM in front of my TV! lols)
2. nah. it's getting difficult, isn't it?
3. the truth is, i never really watch a movie more than 1.. only when i'm totally bored and dying, maybe, yes.
4. i'll think bout it later..

4 places I have lived:
1. Surabaya
2. Surabaya
3. Surabaya
4. do i have to repeat it again? Yes, please. SURABAYA!!!

4 TV shows I love:
1. Who's line is it anyway?
2. Larry King Live
3. JONAS
4. Hannah Montana

4 places I’ve been for vacation:
1. Jakarta
2. Bali
3. Batu
4. Bandung

4 of my favourite food:
1. Double/Triple cheese burger
2. Big Mac
3. Sushi
4. Chicken Katsu, Pizza.. (wait, it's more than 4. oh, nvm. XD)

4 places I would rather be now:
1. UK
2. wherever JOBros Are, is where i wanna be
3. Japan
4. USA

4 favourite songs:
1. all JONAS BROTHERS' SONGS!
2. home sweet home - carrie Underwood
3. The Show - Lenka
4. Taylor Swift's

Who I want to tag next:
1. Lynn
2. Vivian
3. Yaz
4. Fhe
and anyone who knows me! x))

KIM JOON!!

2009-06-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

so, i watched BOYS before Flowers the other day.. and i instantly stopped breathing when i saw this guy, KIM JOON, who starred SONG WOO BIN in BBF. not many people think he's gorgeous. but among all those guys who played BBF, i love him the most. for me, he's so my type. so i started to google him, looking for his pics, and i found out hat he's actually a singer (a member of something called T-max. forgive me, i'm not a fan of korean musics). but i don't really care bout that. he's cute. that's all. but after i read his interview withISPlus (i don't have the slightest clue what that is), i have a feeling that he's a nice guy, and hasn't been dating again since he was 20, because he was busy with his debut and career and so on. omg! just date me then. lols. XD

but don't worry, i still love JOE jOnas the best. he'll always be MINE! but kim joon, uurgghh.. i just cant resist it. i fall in love easily with gorgeous boys who have fab smile, and nose and eyes! XP

Kim Hyung Joon

[date of birth]; February 3, 1985

[height/weight]; 183 cm / 65 kg

[bloodtype]; O

[school]; Hangook University for foreigners?, chemistry major

[hobby]; Playing on-line games, basketball

[specialty]; Snowboarding

[position]; Rap

ps: after seeing those cute pics, how can i not love him? haha. XDD

story of the day

2009-06-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

remind me to change my blogskin next time, kay? cause i'm bored with my current skin already. lol. XDD.

so, yesterday i went to my school's graduation ceremony.. where i received a prize and a certificate because i got the first place at school. u know, the highest mark, so i got some prizes.. i should've been feeling proud of myself, rite? but surprisingly, i don't. well, i'm happy, cause i got some money ( even though it's not much). but apart from that, no. i don't feel anything. kinda strange, huh? XP. btw, i didn't get a trophy. how disappointing. i want a trophy, just like my sis'. so everyone can see that i'm not a fool. lols. XP

anywayy... i think it's the best way to graduate from high school, rite? u got the first place, everyone congratulated u, and ur parents proud of you. i shouldn't ask for more..

now, the problem is.. what will i do with the money? well, i already have some alternatives in my head.

1. i'll buy a pair of converse shoes (which's usually cost Rp399,000 for brand new models) - just make it 400,000 then. and i'll only have 100,000 left. haha. XD

2. i'll save it. to buy jonas brothers 3d concert experience DVD later, when it's available in surabaya. i know it'll be expensive. but a DVD can't be more than 500,000 , can it? X3. (and even if i didn't have anything left after i bought it, i know i wouldn't be regret.) from what i read, disney will release the DVD and Blue ray disc on june 30th. so i suppose it should be available here on July.

3. i'll save it for later use. dan brown's new book, the lost symbol is coming on september (the english ver.). i'll buy it. and i think i'll have 200,000 left.. hmmm..

4. save it. just save it. in case I need some money to shop and hang out with friends.

up till now, i still have no idea which way i'll spend my money. but the 1st and 2nd alternatives are the most likely to be done. tee-heee.. XP

LVATT

2009-06-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

yeeeiii.... today i feel.. i dunno. happy? content? haha. XD . i never use that word before, content. cause it sounds kindaa.. silly? and really doesn't fit my mood now. but i guess it's a good feeling rite, content.. xDD.

well, there're 2 obvious reasons that caused my mood :

1. yesterday, i finally bought LVATT!!! in case you don't know what that is, it's "LINES, VINES AND TRYING TIMES". JONAS BROTHERS' NEW ALBUM! it's kinda funny though. cause when i went to a certain mall, at about 1 pm, they said they still didnt have it. but it was scheduled to arrive that day. so i was excited yet disappointed altogether. excited, because it meant i'd be able to get it real soon. and disappointed, because, it hadn't arrived yet, of course. X3. but later at night, my big sis went to the mall again with her bf, and so i told her to go to the music store, and find LVATT for me.. and here it is.. now, in my hand! haha. XDD. sure, sure. i'm really really fascinated now. i listen to it million times, and i surprisingly LOVE it! all of the songs, i love THEM! gee, they do have great musics that fit my taste, and they're cute! (that fact makes me love them even more. esp. JOE! i dunno why he's so dang cute! mannn.. will u be mine, joe? please? lol. XDD) have i told you bout this? i even dreamed bout them a while ago! for goodness' sake, i met them in my dream! it was the very FIRST time i dreamed bout famous people! so it means that i do like them A LOT! right? =3. u know what, i guess i'll do everything for them, if one day they went to indonesia and held a concert here..i'd sit at the front row, screaming, and sing along with them! and i'd definitely fight to take photos with them, and got their personal signatures, FOR ME!!! haha. XDD

2. well, i dont feel anything special bout this. but i know this thing make my parents proud. my national exam result, it;s the highest among all the social students in my school. so, i'll get money, certificate, trophy and a hug from the principal??!! haha. (for real, i can't imagine it. being hugged by him. lol. XP). anyway, i'm kinda happy, cant deny that. i'll get some money, baby! how can i be NOT happy? XDD

well.. so u know now why i'm happy and in a good mood. that's all for today then, folks! cul8r! toodle! XP. yeeeii, me! <3>

2009-06-13T03:44:00.000-07:00

i guess tomorrow is the big day! if i don't pass my national exams, the headmaster will phone me between 8am-6pm. and i'm slightly bit worried. well, i know i'll be okay even if the worst thing happened. but my parents wouldn't be okay, would they? i'm 150% sure they'd freak out and started questioning me about soo soo many things. and maybe they'd blame themselves? haha. XD.

but it never crossed my mind before, the idea of not passing the exams. it's a nightmare. and i'm positive i don't want that to happen. but life is unfair, right? anything could happen. x)). that's why i'm just preparing myself for the worst.

2009-06-08T05:37:00.000-07:00

starting today, i took a driving course. so i finally learnt how to ride a car. but it's all seem too confusing for me.. the clutch, break, and what so ever!!! argghh.. why a car can't move itself. hahaah. XDD. but i got a quite nice teacher. at least he's not a grumpy one. x))

anyway, now i'm waiting for dan brown's latest novel, THE LOST SYMBOL!!! gosh, i can barely wait and sit still.. i wanna read it soo badly... i love all his books.. he's a great author, one of my favourites of course.. X3. and i also wanna read paulo coelho's new novel, THE WINNER STANDS ALONE. but it's so hard to get the free e-book. i couldn't find any when i googled it. x( and the book, which is still hasn't been translated into indonesian (so it's imported) is so expensive. IDR 209,ooo???!!! omg, my mom wont bought me one even when i pledged. it's sooo soo soo unfair.

and after a long waiting, i finally finished downloading taylor swift's album, fearless. surprisingly, most of the songs are good. love story, white horse, our song, teardrops on my guitar and forever and always are my favourites! but i currently listening to forever and always a LOT! <3

[[demanded :jonas brothers - LINES, VINES AND TRYING TIMES - june 16]]

2009-06-04T20:30:00.000-07:00

tagged by fhe!!! thanks fhe. X3

Rules:
Type your first name in Google and follow with the word "needs"[(first name) needs].
Press 'search' then write the top 10 found in the Google and write it here.
1. fransisca needs working capital to purchase merchandise for her store (wth? i don't work. haha. XD)
2. fransisca needs to know why everything that isn't needed is easy to get while everything needed needs our dyings to get (ermm.. funny thought. XP)
3. fransisca needs analyzing and implementing teacher and staff training (haha. so not me)
4. fransisca needs an axe and it happens to be in the tree??? (why would i need an axe for?)
5. fransisca needs to correctly ink the design (nah. getting confused now.)
6. fransisca needs a light wall sconce lamp (LOL. )
7. fransisca needs mp3s and videos (gosh, it's getting even more random..==;)
8. fransisca needs a good cry (yeah. can't say no to this.)
9. fransisca needs to sell a violin (who am i? violins seller??)
10. fransisca needs something (cant figure out the last one. hhaa. XP)

so, i'll tag this to everyone who want to do this silly things. but it's quite fun though. lol. XP